62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do
by Kaitaru Stark-Laufeyson
Summary: Coulson starts to write up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do based on the daily happenings whilst on the Helicarrier. 62 of them in fact. T for swearing etc.
1. Rule 1

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

**_This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S.H.I. . agents.  
_****_Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. _**

**Disclaimer;**  
_I do not own the Avengers or make any monehz from it what so freaking. EVER. ^_^_

* * *

On board the Helicarrier, Agent Coulson glanced at the report that had been placed on his desk only moments before by another agent. He was about to dismiss it when he then caught sight of the name 'Tony Stark'. Immediately the paper was in his hands as he quickly scanned the page.

Groaning, he put the paper back on his desk and headed over to the cafeteria. Upon opening the double doors, he was greeted by the enthusiastic shouting of the god of thunder, Thor, who hailing him from the kitchens.

"GREETINGS SON OF COUL! HAVE YOU TRIED THESE POP-TARTS? THEY ARE THE FOOD OF THE GODS!"

The head agent winced slightly at the volume. "No thank you, Thor. Now if you'll excuse me." Brushing past the god, he started to search every available cupboard, ignoring Tony's quiet laughter as he walked past the genius and opened the fridge, another cupboard...and another...and so on until he had searched all of them.

He straightened up and turned to look at the philanthropist. "Tony. Why did you decide to fill every single one of the god damn cupboards with pop-tarts and nothing else?" He asked, barely keeping the irritation outof his voice.

"One does not simply ignore the commands of a god, Phil." Tony sniggered.

"Oh for god's sake Stark. Thor, we can't eat pop-tarts every day. It's unhealthy and my agents need to eat a balanced diet. Not to mention Natasha's going to go mental when she finds out that you've got rid of the special salad that she made."

Stark's face immediately paled. "I wasn't here." He stated with a straight face, turning and walking out.

"ANOTHER." Thor roared as he flicked the pop-tart wrapper into the bin.

Coulson shook his head in exasperation and headed back to his office, opening up his laptop and a new word document as he started typing.

**Rule number one:**  
Tony is not allowed to replace the entire contents of the cafeteria with pop-tarts just because Thor has declared it the 'food of the gods'.

* * *

_**You guys are in for a treat.**_

**_And I don't mean pop-tarts. ;D_**

**_I hope you enjoy these little hilarious one-shots, and if you've read either of my other Avengers fics, 'The 30 Excuses of Loki' or 'Order from Mischief', then you know what state you're going to end up in by the time I finish. x'D_**

**_I shall update a chapter a night at about 7:00 British time. Ok?_**

**_Please review!_**

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	2. Rule 2

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_I do not own the Avengers. Sadly.  
_

* * *

Coulson was rather confused when a large stack of papers were silently handed to him by Natasha in the corridor. She smiled at him and gave a little wave as she started to walk off in the way she had been heading before she had bumped into him.

Frowning, he realised that the smile and wave had been a little too innocent. His arm lashed out and caught her shoulder, making her turn around to face him with a completely straight face, which immediately made him feel slightly on edge.

Fixing her with a firm stare, he raised an eyebrow at her and gestured to the paper in his arms. "What is this?" He asked quietly, showing that he was not impressed by the amount that he had.

"The interrogation reports." She answered simply, making to turn away again.

"Interrogation?" He quetioned.

She nodded. "Yeah. I took the liberty of interrogating the new Agent employees. That's their reports. I helped you out and disposed of the ones that were not up to the job."

Phil sighed and closed his eyes tiredly. "Natasha..." He started.

"I've basically cut your work by half." She insisted.

"That is NOT helpful in any way, shape or form. Please don't try to help me out. It just screws up the work I've already done. Now I've got to write out letters to the ones you decided were not 'up to the job'. And the ones you did." He replied irritably, leaving her standing there with a pout and her arms crossed over her chest.

"I was only helping!" She shouted after him.

"Yeah, well thank you for the thought, but please don't." He called back as he disappeared into his office and opened his laptop as he deposited the papers on his desk beside it. "You have a twisted version of 'helping' Natasha." He muttered to himself as he began typing.

**Rule number two;  
**Natasha is not allowed to interrogate new S. H. I. E. L. D. employees and dispose of the ones she deems unworthy.

* * *

_**I sit here and snigger with every chapter I write...x'D That's how much I am in love with writing this new fic.**_

**_Is that bad?_**

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	3. Rule 3

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.  
**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_Last time I checked, I still do not own the Avengers._

* * *

As Coulson sat down at Natasha and Clint's table in the canteen, he pretended to be rather unfocused on their conversation, instead opting to focus on eating his sandwich as quickly as he could.

But the moment he heard the words 'interview', 'terrify' and 'new agents' in the same sentence, his head snapped up and glared at Clint.

"Say that again Agent Barton." He ordered.

"Say what?" Clint asked.

"You know damn well what." Phil replied firmly.

The expert archer shrugged nonchalently. "Well, Natasha and I were just discussing the recent interviews on the new agents which she tried to help you out with, and I was just reminding her that the final part of the interview is where I am allowed to scare the living daylights out of them."

Agent Coulson finished off the last of his sandwich and stood up. "No, Clint. Absolutely not. And if I hear of any such thing, I will personally lock you in the detention stage." He threatened, turning and walking off to his office for the second time that day for the same reason.

Irritably, he re-opened the saved document and began to tap away at the keys.

**Rule number 3:**  
Clint is not allowed to continue insisting that the final step of the interview process is for him to terrify the newly hired agents.

* * *

_**Ehehehehe...**_

**_Please keep reviewing! It fills me with glee. _**

**_Not the TV show. That thing gives me nightmares. O_O (Even if the EPIC Darren Criss is in it.)_**

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	4. Rule 4

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.  
**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_Last time I checked, I still do not own the Avengers._

* * *

The echoing of music reached the Bridge of the Helicarrier, causing Fury to look up in interest. Calling Agent Hill over, he blinked at her slowly with his one uncovered eye. "What the hell is that music? Where is it coming from, and why?" He questioned authoritively.

"I...I don't know sir." She answered. "I'll put Agent Coulson onto it immediately." At his nod, she turned and put a hand to the communication device that was hooked into her ear. "Agent Coulson, do you copy?"

"I copy Agent Hill, what's the problem?" Came his clear reply.

"Do you hear...well, weird music?" She asked.

There was a pause at the other end. "Uhh, yes. I do believe it's from a children's CD. Why?"

"Would you please be able to go and turn it off please? We can hear it all the way up here on the Bridge." Maria replied.

Agent Coulson was already following the source of the music as he received the request from his fellow agent. "Of course. I'm on it." He responded, swiftly navigating the Helicarrier as he followed the two-year old sounding music down into the detention area, to where he could see nothing but the Hulk inside the cage, who was seeming to enjoy the music as it lumbered around in less of a rage than usual as the song 'Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear' was blasted into the detention area's sound systems.

Raising an eyebrow, he turned on his heel and headed up a level and into the detention level's control room, to which he was not surprised to see Tony Stark, who had managed to hack into the control room's system so that he could play the song, Clint Barton standing beside him as they both fell about with laughter.

"What do you think you're doing?" Phil asked, glancing at the screens that showed various angles on the Hulk.

"We're teaching the Hulk 'Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around'." Tony explained between fits of laughter. "And he's taken to it like a duck to water, as they say."

"Well, Fury doesn't appreciate the noise. If this isn't wrapped up within the next minute, I'm putting you both in the cell with him." He warned, the line for his next rule already thought up in his head.

**Rule number 4:**  
Tony is not allowed to broadcast sing-along songs into the Hulk's cage, no matter amusing he finds teaching Hulk 'Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around'.

* * *

_**o_O**_

**_This is like trying to tame a lion._**

_**Except the lion doesn't have canines, has anger management problems, is huge, green and doesn't really comprehend the fact that Tony is probably about to break a rib from laughing. ;D**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	5. Rule 5

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.  
**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_Last time I checked, I still do not own the Avengers.  
_

* * *

Clint was sat in Coulson's office, fiddling around with his laptop. The Hawk's eyes were narrowed and his tongue was sticking out of the side of his mouth as he clicked and tapped at random intervals.

"Clint, wha-Hang on, is that the Hulk?" Phil questioned as he peered over his fellow agent's shoulder.

Indeed there was a video of the Hulk lumbering around in what looked like some kind of stupid child-like dance that involved a lot of thrashing around and bumping into the sides of his strong glass container, rumbling roars being the only other outward display of happiness.

"Yes. I'm trying to upload it onto Youtube." Barton replied.

Rolling his eyes, Coulson moved Clint aside and took control of the mouse. He dragged it to the corner of the screen and exited the Youtube tab, making Clint start to protest. "No." Phil said firmly, pointing to the door. "Out. Go entertain yourself somewhere else." He ordered.

Huffing, Clint walked out, his posture slumped as he went to go and find Tony.

**Rule number 5:**Clint is not allowed to put the security feed of the Hulk's Teddy Bear dance on Youtube.

* * *

**_I haven't updated in three to four days. O_O_**

**_I AM SHAMED! PLEASE FORGIVE ME MY MINIONS! D'=_**

**_In compensation, I shall upload the next chapter, and we shall continue as normal tomorrow. ^_^_**

**_Still...Bad Barton. x'D_**

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	6. Rule 6 & 7

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.  
**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_To own the Avengers or not to own the Avengers, that, is the question._

* * *

At the Bridge, Fury frowned as he noticed a small tab on his panelled screen, reading ' UNAUTHORIZED DOWNLOAD'. His first thought was Stark, trying to hack into the system and see who was playing Galagha, but then he noticed the file name, one that was supposed to have been deleted a long time ago, let alone still be on the system.

'_Life and Lies of Nicolas Fury'._

He was then tapping away as fast as he could at the screen, tracing the hacker back to its source.

The director's jaw dropped as he read the computer number that was reported back to him almost instantly. Pulling up an instant messaging system, he typed in a little message and sent it to the computer hacker, attatching Coulson to the message.

'_Bruce. What the hell are you doing by trying to download this file? - Fury'_

Coulson groaned as he read the message, receiving a reply a second later and opening it up to read it.

_'Nothing at all. I mean, why would I need to blackmail the good Director? -Bruce'_

The head agent shook his head with a smirk, sending his own reply to the scientist before quickly writing up his sixth rule. '_Banner. You are a terrible liar in person, and even worse on computer. The download of that file will be canceled, and the file deleted. -Coulson'_

_'Damn it all. -Bruce'_  
**  
Rule number 6: **Bruce is not allowed to hack into personnel files to look up blackmail material on Director Fury.

Everyone on the messaging system blinked in shock as another message was received by all of them, having not known that someone else had been reading in on their conversation. '_DEAREST Bruce. There was really no need for you to go looking for that file. I'd already read it ages ago, along with many other articles on our beloved Director, and I can assure you that his middle name is actually in fact Rainbow Sprinkles. - Tony'_

Coulson sighed and started typing again.

**Rule number 7: **Tony is not allowed to insist that he's already done so and that Fury's middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles.  
Because it isn't.

* * *

_**Don't tell me you can't see this happening. x'D 'Cause you totally can, can't you. XD**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	7. Rule 8

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.  
**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_I OWN THE AVENGERS. Not.  
_

* * *

Coulson's head jerked up as a large commotion was to be heard outside his office. Not directly outside, but the yells were so loud, that by rights it should have been. Had it been any other kind of screaming, he would have merely got someone else to go and sort it out.

But wasn't every day that you heard Natasha Romanoff screaming in horror.

He was out of his office in seconds, speed-walking down the various corridors until he reached the source of the angry screaming. Coulson's own eyes widened at the sight.

The mighty God of Thunder, Thor, was butt-naked in the corridor.

Tony and Clint were laughing hysterically, whereas Natasha was gesturing and screaming wildly, not knowing where to look.

"BLOODY HELL. PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON." She shrieked at him, her face all flustered.

"What is wrong? It is the state in which we are born in." He stated proudly, placing his hands on his hips and revealing...well...everything.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE." Natasha screamed, turning away and storming off down the corridor, her face nearly matching the colour of her hair.

Coulson mentally sweatdropped as Barton and Stark followed her, nearly bent over double with their laughter. He turned back as Thor started talking to him in a rather confused tone of voice. "I do not understand, do mortals find shame in being in their natural form?"

The head agent coughed slightly. "Well...It's definately not, uhh, done in public. So...Could you do us all a favour and go and put your clothes on?"

**Rule number 8: **Thor is not allowed to be naked at Headquarters. Ever.

* * *

_**This mental image had me in hysterics. x'D**_

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	8. Rule 9

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_I don't own le Avengers._

* * *

The Avengers stared at Steve as the words left his mouth towards Agent Hill. "It's ok my dame, we shall be fine. Alright? There is no need to worry about us, little lady." He assured her kindly.

Agent Hill pursed her lips angrily at the super solider and quickly slapped the Captain around his face, turning on her heel and swiftly left to the astonishment of everyone else, least of all the Captain.

"W-What did I do?" He questioned in disbelief.

Tony snorted and rolled his eyes. "This just proves how outdated you are old-timer."

**Rule number 8**: Steve is not allowed to address any female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as 'little lady', 'broad', or 'dame'. It only ends in getting slapped.

* * *

_**Aww, poor Steve. x'D  
(AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! WE'RE ON 100+ You have NO idea how much I screamed and nearly fell off of my chair.) ;D**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	9. Rule 10, 11 and 12

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_The Avengers? I don't happen to own that awesomeness.  
_

* * *

Sat down at the glass table on the Bridge, Banner raised his eyebrow at the playboy who was sat next to him. He was pretty sure that he had misheard his science partner, because he truly couldn't believe that of all the insults Tony could have used against the head agent, he had used 'Mum'.

Agent Coulson himself was seething to himself, wanting to just quite simply wipe that triumphant little grin off of the genius's face.

"Stark, you can shut up with the sarcastic insults now." Fury interrupted authoritively, his hands clasped behind his back.

Tony angled his head towards the director. Banner wished he had acted quickly enough to be able to stifle the words that came out of the philanthropist's mouth. "Sure thing Dad."

Agent Barton however, could barely contain his mirth as he sniggered quietly into his hand. Whereas Agent Coulson could already picture his next two rules.

**Rule number 10**: Agent Coulson's name isn't 'Mum'.  
**Rule number 11**: Director Fury should never again be addressed as 'Dad'.

"For god's sake, Tony. We are not some kind of family." Fury ground out, trying to keep his patience with him.

"Yes we are." Tony argued back instantly. "I mean, I always thought that you were the dad, Coulson was the mum and then Maria was the wicked stepmother."

**Rule number 12**: Agent Hill is not the Avenger's wicked stepmother.

* * *

_**I had to fit these three rules in together. They just...fit. X'D**_

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	10. Rule 13

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_The Avengers? I don't happen to own that awesomeness._

* * *

"Hawkeye, what are you doing?" Coulson called up to the ceiling of the Bridge without looking up, causing the working agents to look at him slightly oddly, thinking that he was talking to himself.

"Coulson. When I am spying, it is helpful if you remain silent." Came the echoing reply. The agents looked about them in surprise, trying to find where the assassin was hiding.

Coulson merely rolled his eyes. "Barton, get down from the rafters for god's sake. You don't need to spy if you're not on a mission. Learn the difference between work and rest."

The agents nearly jumped out of their skins when Clint dropped down from the roof to land in the centre of the Bridge, muttering something under his breath before heading out and leaving them behind him, evidently going somewhere else where he could spy on people in peace.

**Rule 13**: Clint is not allowed to lurk in the shadowy rafters spying on people, unless specifically instructed to do so for an official S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned mission.

* * *

_**Ehehehe...^_^**_

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	11. Rule 14

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_...  
_

* * *

In Fury's office, the Director was currently sat back with a glass of scotch, or something of the kind. Whichever it was, it was thin with a strong alcoholic smell. This was how he relaxed, in the peace and quiet with no one to-

Natasha Romanoff coughed from where she was stood in front of the desk, her arms folded over her chest.

Fury raised his head rather abruptly to glare at her. "When did you get here?" He questioned. "Besides, I'm on break. Can I not get a few minutes of peace and quiet?"

"About two minutes ago." She answered simply. "And I couldn't just ignore a mission."

He frowned in confusion. "Mission?" He asked doubtfully. "What mission?"

Agent Barton suddenly dropped down behind the director, making him jump and nearly drop his glass in shock. Regaining his composure, he scowled at the two assassins. "What do you want? And why did you decide to come through the ceiling?"

"Easier." Clint shrugged. "Besides, I was just informed on the mission."

"What mission?" Fury asked inquisitively, suspicious to the core since he could not remember giving out any missions orders to Coulson or the Avengers.

Fury groaned as the door opened suddenly, closing again and allowing a very relaxed man to walk in, his eyebrows raised in slight amusement. "Oh hey guys, come to join the party. I can see you already started the drinks without me. How's the mission going?" Tony smirked as he casually sauntered over, picked the glass out of Fury's hand and downed it.

Suitably annoyed, Fury snatched the now empty glass back and slammed it down onto his desk with considerable force.

"And you say _I _have anger management problems." Banner's voice floated over to them from the doorway. They all turned to see Bruce casually leaning up against the frame with his arms folded.

Tony held his arms wide and grinned. "Bruce! So glad you could join us. Our mission can commence!"

"So glad I could help out." Banner smirked. "I was rather looking forward to this mission."

"Technically, I'd already started the mission." Natasha argued calmly.

"I helped." Clint said indignantly.

"Not very much."

"I think you'll find-"

Finally Fury snapped. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS 'MISSION' YOU ARE GOING ON ABOUT?"

They all turned to him, as if surprised that he didn't know.

"Well we're talking about 'Operation irritate the fuck out of Nick Fury' of course." Tony replied.

"It's a ligitimate mission, sir." Natasha added.

The Director's eye twitched. "OUT. GET OUT. NOW."

* * *

**Rule number 14: **'Operation Irritate the Fuck Out of Nick Fury' is not an official mission, no matter what Tony or Natasha say to the contrary.

**_Ehehehehehe...^^_**

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	12. Rule 15

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_*Insert depressing disclaimer here*_

* * *

As Fury started to debrief the Avengers on their new mission, Banner raised his hand halfway to make him pause. "What?" The Director quetioned.

"Shouldn't we wait for Tony?" Bruce asked, his face portraying his concern for the abscence of his Science partner, who seemed to be late for the debriefing...again.

"If he doesn't turn up within the next five minutes then he'll have to-"

"HATERS GONNA HATE." Tony yelled as he danced in, completly and utterly drunk with a glass in his hand. As Clint narrowed his eyes at the glass he was able to identify it.

"He's been drinking Tequila..." He remarked.

Rolling his eyes, Steve was up out of his seat and had gently but firmly grabbed Tony's upper arm. "I'll deal with it. Trust me, I'll have him sober in under ten minutes." With that, he led the drunk genius out of the Bridge.

"Where did he get the Tequila anyway...?" Clint grumbled. "More importantly, why don't I get any?"

Natasha shrugged from beside him. "Haters gonna hate." She echoed.

Thor and Banner both unsuccessfully tried to stop from snorting with laughter at the annoyed look on Barton's face.

**Rule number 15: **Debriefings should not be preceeded by Tequila shots.  
_

**_^_^_**

Kai XxxXxxX


	13. Rule 16

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_*Insert SPECTACULAR disclamer here*_

_**Because you are all AMAZING and keep reviewing, I decided to quickly post again before I went to bed. ;D**_  
_**  
ALSO. A lot of people asked; How is Steve gonna get him sober...?**_

_**The answer will come in the next chapter. ;D  
**_

* * *

Everyone stood up with relief as Director Fury dismissed them from their most recent debrief. Tony clicked his neck to the side and turned to Clint. "Hey, Barton. Wanna join Brucie and I in the lab for a few rounds of Tequila?" He questioned with a grin, ignoring Bruce's mutter of 'Since when did my name become _Brucie_?' in the background.

Clint shrugged with an equally wicked grin. "Sounds good to me." He agreed, high fiving Tony's open palm as he started to follow Banner who was already on his way out to the lab.

"Tony. You think getting yourself and others drunk is funny?" Steve called out in disgust.

Stark shrugged and smirked. "Funny things usually are."

"Not to mention that seeing you drunk is utterly repulsive." Rogers replied disdainfully.

Tony raised an eyebrow defiantly."Oh yeah? Let's see _you_get drunk then." He challenged.

"I can't _get _drunk, idiot." Steve replied, grinding his teeth in irritation as he started to lose his patience.

"Shame. I would have asked if you'd have liked any _ice_with that." Tony shot back.

Banner held up a hand. "Ok, break it up ladies. Don't have a hissy fit before you're drunk Tony, it'll only end badly because you won't have the 'I was drunk' excuse."

Tony glared at the Captain one last time before clapping Bruce on the shoulder and heading out into the corridor with Clint. "So, last man standing?" He questioned happily as they made their way in the direction of the lab.

-

Due to the excessively loud and racous laughter that echoed long into the night, Steve Rogers tried to sleep with a pillow over his head. Two of them. But if a heavy duty computer firewall couldn't stop the genius, then a pillow was hardly a challenge.

The poor Captain didn't get any sleep that night.

**Rule number 16**: Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.

* * *

**_Ehehehe...^_^_**

Kai XxxXxxX  
(P.s; Am looking forward to posting tomorrow's chapter. x'D)


	14. Rule 17

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_*Insert SPECTACULAR disclamer here*_

_**To the curious ones...here is your answer. x'''D**_

* * *

As Fury was speaking, he noticed something flash and then drop over in Tony's direction. His one eye narrowed. It wasn't the first time he'd seen it. He hadn't really been keeping count, but if he'd had to guess, he would have said it was roughly the twenty-second time he'd seen it.

Banner had also noticed it, but he was more than happy to just inwardly sigh at his science bro's antics and try to ignore it as best as he could without smirking or laughing outright. He had seen Fury glance at Tony suspiciously a few times and was surprised that the Director hadn't said anything.

Then he saw why.

"-and so your mission is to go into the enemy base and retrieve the jade hairpin without being recognised." Fury finished.

"Whhy don't we..." Tony started, slurring his words slightly. "...jusst _go _ in there..._fuck _their asssesss and give them sssssomething to go and cry to mommy about, _tsake_the hairpin, and go to ssssschwarma."

Natasha quietly facepalmed.

Barton narrowed his eyes at the genius in disbelief. "Stark, have you been drinking since we got here?" He asked, staring at the Tequila shot which was totally visible in Stark's hand from where he had made the 'what' gesture.

The philanthropist numbly turned his head to look at the glass. "Whoopsss..."

Steve's jaw locked and he stood up. "I'll be right back." He growled through gritted teeth, taking the glass from Tony's hand and putting it on the table before none too gently grabbing a fistful of Tony's hair and pulling him upright, dragging him out.

The other's were left slightly stunned as Tony's drunken protests echoed from the hallway.

"Go momma Steve..." Banner remarked, making Natasha giggle quietly into her hand.

"What is the good Captain going to do to him?" Thor questioned in his odd way of speaking.

Clint grinned wickedly as he stood up. "S'what I'm gonna go find out."

Sprinting out of the Bridge and following the direction Steve had taken, he was surprised to find that he was led to the empty canteen, which was devoid of everyone, even the cooks. With a curious frown he followed the sounds of still slightly drunk protesting. As he leant against the kitchen doorframe, what he saw, was the last thing he had expected.

Steve's hand was still clenching Tony's hair, but the same hand was forcefully pushing Tony's head into an ice-cold sink of water. The genius's own hands were pressed against the edge of the sink, feebly trying to resist the pressure in his drunk state.

With a slight wrench of his hand, Steve allowed Tony to resurface, spluttering and slurring his words all the way. This was repeated a good many times until Tony was still slightly under the influence, but was sober enough to form coherent thoughts.

And curses.

"Fuck! Fuck...Fuck it Rogers." He gasped as he resurfaced, spewing ice-cold water off of him. "This hurts my brain. Stop it."

"Good. Maybe you'll learn not to drink on a mission or during a debriefing. Because I'll do this as many times as I need to just to ensure that the message sinks in." Steve snapped, merely pushing Stark back into the water with an angry glare.

Tony gasped as he was allowed to come up for air again about twenty seconds later. "Shit that's cold. Steve, please, I wasn't that drunk, I ju-" The rest of his sentance was cut off with garbled words as he was forced underwater once more.

"Oh I know." Steve growled out in his clipped tone. "Last time I had to sort you out like this, you were cutting up a pineapple in the lab screaming 'Spongebob I know you're in there'. So for god's sake, let's hope you learn this time."

Clint quickly clapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing as he stopped recording and fled back to the other Avengers, bursting out into hysterics the moment he got there.

"You guys have got to see this." He managed to choke out.

**Rule number 17**: There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.

* * *

_**Actually loved writing this one. I was sat here laughing hysterically to myself. X'''D**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_

_**(P.s; Cookies to anyone who got the Jade Hairpin reference as a BBC Sherlock reference. ;D)**_


	15. Rule 18

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_*Insert le disclamer here*_

_**Sorry I haven't updated in AGES. But I got my GCSE results! =D I got 4 A's, a B, 5 C's, a Pass for ICT and a D. YAAAAAAAAY! =D Get **__ALL __**the grades! xD**_

* * *

Natasha 'Black Widow' Romanov raised an eyebrow as Tony laughed hysterically at the scene that was unfolding before them. They were currently fighting a large group of Chitauri that had managed to open the portal again, but this time the portal had not stabilized, meaning that only about one hundred had managed to breach the barrier.

The Avengers had been waiting to take them out, but there was a slight problem halfway through the battle.

By complete accident, Thor had misjudged his hammer throw, and Mjolnir had been thrown straight into the Hulk's crotch. Thor had started to apologize, but the Hulk was having none of it.

Instead, the green giant threw himself at the Norse god of lightning with a bellow of pain and rage, throwing Thor around much like he had Loki in what had been dubbed as 'The Battle for the World'.

"PUNY. BITCH. TAKE. HULK. SMASH!" The Hulk roared as Thor came into contact with walls, ceilings, floors and concrete at ridiculous speeds.

As much as the Captain tried to reason with the Hulk, there was just no reasoning with the beast, and therefore was finally rewarded when he was sent flying into a nearby car, just managing to get the shield behind him in time.

Hawkeye and Natasha had merely stood off to one side and watched whilst they picked off the remaining Chitauri, knowing there was nothing they could do. Natasha allowed Clint to take over whilst she pressed a finger to communicator in her ear.

In the background, Tony's hysterical laughter was suddenly cut out with a yell and an 'oof' as Thor was thrown into him at a rate of knots, the both of them hurtling backwards into a building with a collassal smashing of glass.

Natasha stared. "Uhh, Agent Coulson? We may have a problem..."

**Rule number 18: **Thor and Hulk will wait to fight until after the battle is over.

* * *

_**Hope you liked it, and I'll TRY and keep the updates regular! I said 'try' cause I don't make promises I can't keep...xD**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_  
_**(P.s; Dear readers...Please...Write ALL the reviews! xD)**_


	16. Rule 19

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_*Inzert ze dizclamer here*  
_

* * *

Agent Clint Barton was not called 'Hawkeye' for nothing. He was often seen by those with keen eyes (or not seen to those without) to be skulking around in the rafters of wherever the Avengers went, if he got bored enough. And he had a sharp eye for all the goings on around him.

However, when this particular event occured, he didn't need the help of his nickname or even his sharp eyes to see it. Or hear it. Both he and Dr. Bruce Banner had been walking down the stairs towards Tony Stark's workshop, seeing as the Avengers were currently staying at STARK Tower, and had been wanting to see some of Stark's new science gadgets.

It was as they walked down the stairs that they heard Pepper's yelling at him, which was muffled due to the thick glass that encased the workshop. Although, the slap was quite clearly heard.

As the door was opened, they saw Pepper pause in the doorway as she turned back to her boss and lover. "TONY. FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU ARE _NOT _GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN." She screamed, allowing the door to close as she made her way up the steps towards them.

She smiled at them, but it was a very tight-lipped smile, one that barely supressed anger as she passed them.

Clint and Bruce hurriedly made their way down the rest of the stairs and Bruce punched in the code to open the door, letting themselves in to see a mumbling Tony. Upon their entrance he turned round, revealing a bright red hand mark on the right side of his face.

Neither of them could breathe for laughing.

**Rule number 19**: Tony Stark is not God's gift to women.

* * *

_**You can see it happening, ;D**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_

_**(P.S: THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS EVERYONE! PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING, ANON OR NOT! I NEARLY SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THEM IN MY INBOX! ^^D)**_


	17. Rule 20

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_*SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT DISCLAIMER*_

_**Three words my friends:**_

_**Avengers Gag Reel.  
**_

* * *

"-but we're a team, like the X-men, and as such, I decided that we needed matching suits!" Natasha finished her speech enthusiastically.

"Natasha. We really don't need this." Barton sighed as he eyed up the fabric that was placed in his arms.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SUIT? IT'S MADE OF IRON, YOU KNOW." Tony nearly screeched, his hands longing to throttle the woman.

Steve looked away awkwardly. "I already have a skin tight suit..."

"Why is it required of me to wear this garment?" Thor questioned in confusion.

Bruce snorted in what sounded like amusement as he crossed his arms over his chest. "...I can't _wear _a suit, if you haven't noticed..." He deadpanned.

Natasha looked heartbrokenly at them all. "But I made them!...And modified Stark's armour." She trailed off sheepishly at the end.

The female assassin had given them all black and silver skin-tight suits to wear, all branded with a large A on the back -or in Stark's case on the helmet- that had an arrow making up the horizontal line of the A. Around it, was a silver circle.

"It's a nice thought, Natasha, but no." Steve said kindly, watching as Natasha's face fell dramatically.

"Now I need to clean the armour all over again." Tony muttered. "Bloody women."

**Rule number 20: **The Avengers do not need matching uniforms.

* * *

_**YAAAAAAAAY FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER!**_

_**Guys, just so you know, I DO have a Tumblr, so follow me at Madnessisjustthebeginning**_

_**Now then...*Turns around and does the Ruffalorun*:**_  
_**DUDES YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!**_

_**;'D**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	18. Rule 21

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.  
**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_Hey there I just met you, I'm not Joss Wheeeeedon, he made the Avengers, he's awesome maybe!_

_**^You sang it. Admit it. ;D**__  
_

* * *

Bruce was sat at the miniature laptop in the lab on board the Helicarrier, typing away as he was starting to finish off his latest report. So when Tony walked in, he looked up, said a brief 'hi' and got back to typing.

"Ohhhh Bruuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuce..." Came Tony's lilting voice, making the scientist sigh and look up again at his friend, pushing his glasses up a little further up his nose in slight irritation.

"What?" He asked, making sure that his voice held the 'I'm not in the mood for your silly stuff right now' tone.

Tony pouted and put a hand over his arc reactor, covering up the little light from it. "Don't give me that voice, I only want to have a bit of fun.."

Banner sighed and stopped typing, folding his arms across his chest. "Last time we tried your idea of 'fun', it ended up with me in the detention cell with the other guy, and you and Clint were sat in the control centre. Remember?" He stated disapprovingly.

The genius froze for a second before waving it away. "That was last time, besides, _this_time it's gonna appeal to you much more. And if anyone asks, we were experimenting. I mean, science, you know. It's what we do." As he had been speaking, he had slowly been making his way over to the laptop, and as he finished talking, he shut it. The scientist sighed in exasperation.

"Fine. Just this once. _Once_." He emphasized.

Tony put his hands together as though in prayer, thanking him. "Well, _I _thought, we should have a little contest, as scientists, to see who could make the biggest...how should I say it...'Boom'." He said, his voice slightly tentative as though he was worried that Banner would get annoyed.

"...Boom." Bruce repeated, making Tony smile and nod. "Ten minutes?" He smirked, to which Stark grinned in return. The challenge was on.

Ten minutes later, and Stark placed a towel over his 'experiment', concealing it from Banner's view. "Ok, you're up."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "It's not exactly a _big _boom, but it's a favourite in high-schools." He explained as he brought forth a plastic bottle, sealed by the lid on top. "Two parts Hydrogen and One part Oxygen...Should be fun." He smiled as he lit a match and undid the lid of the horizontal lying bottle.

Stepping away slightly, he put the lit match to the rim of the bottle. Immediately there was a sharp 'BOOM' as the bottle took off like a miniature rocket, richoeting off of the wall and back towards them. They both ducked and the bottle flew harmlessly over their heads, clattering to the floor.

The glanced at it silently for a few seconds. "Well. That was that." Bruce shrugged as he picked up the bottle and binned it in the small bin that was sat beside the window. "Your turn."

Tony grinned like a child at Christmas as he 'unveiled' his product. Banner laughed, rubbing a hand over the lower half of his jaw. "Really? Stark? _Really?_"

The philanthropist merely shrugged. "Well. We didn't set down any rules, so by rights-"

"Yeah, okay. You win." Bruce laughed.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Tony butted in, wagging his finger. "We can't say that until the experiment has been _performed_."

Such an incredulous look, Stark had never seen on Banner's face before. "Tony. We can't. We're in a LAB. And fireworks aren't supposed to be lit indoors anyway." He protested. "There is no way. Absolutely no way." He stared at the man, who was placing the stomach height firework on the floor and lighting the fuse, which fizzled slightly as it caught light. "Tony!" He gaped. "Those things are supposed to go in the ground!"

Stark shoved the firework at him. "I didn't really know!"

"Yeah you didn't think about it either!" Banner shouted as he shoved back at Stark, who quickly pushed it back.

"I didn't think it would be too bad!" He shouted in reply, his voice rising in panic.

"Yeah, well I don't call this 'thinking'!" Banner yelled as he swiftly pushed it back towards his lab partner.

"But I-Uh oh." Stark was cut off part way through his yell as they both looked down at the fuse, which was less than a second away from igniting the firework.

They both dived for cover behind seperate lab desks as the firework took off, screeching loudly like it would have in the sky. Clapping their hands over their ears, they dared not move as the firework whizzed all around the labratory, fizzing white hot energy as it passed and hit walls, riding up the wall until it hit the ceiling and its course was diverted back the other way.

Finally, with a collossal '_**BANG**_', the firework exploded in a mixture of red and gold. Which had Banner been focused on that and not on mentally repeating 'oh-my-god-I'm-gonna-die-by-a-fucking-firework', he would have majorly rolled his eyes.

One of the sparks caught the bin, setting it alight. At once, the two scientists scrambled upright and helped each other to fill multiple conical flasks with water and tip them over the bin, effectively putting it out until it resembled a smoking, charred mess of paper and metal.

With streaks of black and red over their faces and their hair completely messed up, they glanced at each other, panting heavily.

"We've gotta do that again." Tony stated at last.

Banner wet his lips nodded enthusiastically in agreement. "Yeah."

**Rule number 21: **Tony and Bruce are not allowed to have a contest to see who can make a bigger 'Boom' in the lab.

* * *

_**...Ehehehe. ^^ If anyone got the LOTR reference throughout that, I am SO proud. =')**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	19. Rule 22

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.  
**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that. **_

**Disclaimer;**  
_I OWN THE AVENGERS.  
*They pick up their respective weapons*  
...Parley?_

* * *

Tony and Bruce jumped as the door to the lab was thrown open seconds later, only to relax when they saw Thor standing in the doorway. "Oh hey point break." Tony greeted in a relieved sigh.

"I am concerned. Surely there was a large boom in here not moments ago?" Thor asked in confusion, looking around the room as he took in the damage. "What occured, friends? Where is the enemy?"

Bruce laughed shortly before coughing. "Thor, there's no enemy. Tony and I were having a contest to see who could make the biggest 'boom'. Tony won, cause he made a fuh...freaking firework, and set it off in here. Which is why it's a bit...well. Messy is too mild a word to use here." He explained to the Norse god, who nodded slowly.

"Boom, you say?" He questioned, a smirk playing on his lips.

Tony looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "What's with that look? You think you could do better? Bitch please, I even set the bin on fire."

Thor beamed in recognition of the challenge. "I shall. Brace yourselves my friends. It might do you well to cover your ears." He warned them, turning around and looking at a new, unfinished plate that was to go on Stark's armour. Grinning, he charged up Mjolnir, which he now tightened in his hand. And with a bellowing roar, he brought the hammer down as hard as he could on the metal, producing a sound louder than a volcano eruption, nearly flattening the three of them.

When the sound finally ended, the men checked their ears to make sure they weren't bleeding. "Ok..." Stark nodded. "H-He wins."

"Agreed." Bruce muttered.

"I did not expect it to be that loud," Thor admitted, still slightly dazed, "but I am pleased to have won this contest."

Just at that moment, Steve appeared in the doorway in his Captain America suit. "What the _HELL _is going on?" He yelled, Hawkeye, Fury and Natasha all coming up behind him as they door peered in through the doorway.

"...We're in trouble." Tony summarised, frowning and pursing his lips as Bruce groaned beside him.  
_  
_**Rule number 22: **Thor is not allowed to join in and make the biggest boom with his hammer.

* * *

_**LOL! Ahhh dear. I'm so mean to our poor Tony.  
I love him really. xD  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	20. Rule 23

_**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**_

_**Summary;**_  
_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in fact.  
_  
**_This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents._**  
**_Loki is not in it._**  
**_Sorry about that. _**  
_**  
Disclaimer;**_  
_You make me sad. =(_

_Hey there I just read this, and this is crazy, but I really love this, so update maybe?..._  
_**^To the 'Guest' who reviewed that to me yesterday, I love you. You had me rolling in my seat. **_  
_**And to everyone else who reviewed, some of yours made me laugh too. x'D Made a change, you guys making ME laugh! It's the other way round damn it! XD **_  
_**Also, I am trying to update more regularly now, because I left for SO long, but now I'm making it up to you. ^^3**_

_**Now then...In classic Queen style...THE SHOW MUST GO OOOOOON! ;D**_  
_

Steve groaned when his alarm clock suddenly blasted out with a song that Tony often like to tease him with, because for some absurd, unknown reason it was all about him. Apparently it was based on some Greenday song called American Idiot, which made absolutely no sense to him. Still, he was gonna kill Tony one day for this.

I wanna be an American soldier, but they say I'm too wimpy and miniature. They put me in a machine to make me stronger, and now they call me Captain America. I wanna kick some ass for my nation, so they gave me a little radiatio-  
It stopped as he slapped his hand down on the 'alarm off' button, breathing a sigh of relief when it cut out. Sitting upright in bed, he rubbed his face and opened his eyes fully.

To see the Avengers plus Fury, Agent Hill and Agent Coulson standing in his bedroom on the Helicarrier. His room had been decked out with banners in the American red white and blue colours and his friend were, some of them, wearing party hats.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY 94TH BIRTHDAY TO STEEEEEVE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU!" They chorused at the top of their lungs, either beaming, smirking or just nicely smiling. You could guess who was doing what.

"We left the cards, cake and presents at the Bridge, but we can bring them over with a cup of coffee." Bruce suggested with a shrug.

"Yeah, y'know, save that 94 year old ass of yours having to get out of bed." Clint sniggered, earning him an elbow in the side from Coulson.

At that Steve, who had closed his eyes and winced all the way through the song, opened his eyes and snapped his head round to glare at them all. "As nice as it is, I really do not want to be reminded that it is my birthday." He growled.

"But all of the old grannies and grandads are going green of envy!" Tony protested.

"That's it. Out." Steve stated warningly.

"But Steve-" Thor tried to protest.

"OUT." Steve finally snapped.

With a rush of feet, they all hurried out of the door, Tony at the rear. Who just couldn't resist.

"94 year old senile old git."

A vein throbbed in Steve's forehead seconds before he swung out of bed in nought but his pyjamas of a white t-shirt and knee length beige cargo pants. "ANTHONY STARK I'M GOING TO KILL YOU."

"RUN."

**Rule number 23:** The Avengers will not be celebrating Steve's 94th birthday.

_  
**_Me: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEVE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEVE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEEEE-  
_**  
**_Steve: KAI. SHUT UP BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU._**  
**_  
Me: o_o Yes Sir. *Salutes and sits down meekly.*...Birthday Cake anyone?_**  
**_  
Steve: KAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!_**  
**_  
Me: DUDES YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN! *Does the Ruffarun*_**

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	21. Rule 24

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

_**Summary;**_  
_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in fact._

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.**_  
_**Loki is not in it.**_  
_**Sorry about that. **_

_**Disclaimer;**_  
_But in the End, I don't even own the Avengers._

_**I'm writing like crazy, and updating...I must be possessed or something. o_O **_  
_**Spirits are always with you! BWA HAHAHAHAHAHA! (-Anyone gets that, I FKN love you.)**_  
_**SPN fans, grab the salt. ;D**_

_**OH. I NEED TO SHARE THIS WITH ALL OF YOU:**_  
_Tony: ...Does that mean we can celebrate his 95th? The rule says nothing about next year!_  
_Steve: *twitch*_  
_Tony: It's a shame you're not Captain Britain. if you were, in a few years you'd get a letter from the queen. :D_  
_Steve: *throws his shield at Stark*_

_**^DeadPoolHulk. I sat and applauded this. And after your username, I have nick-named you DeadPool, because that is something that he would think up. ='D I am proud.**_

_**Ahhh, I love it when I get reviews...Especially my regular reviewers, you know who you are *cough*Arrows*cough* ^_^**_

_**Because this is what they do to me. xD**_

_**NOW ON WITH LE CHAPYTEHR! **_  
_**_**_  
Coulson glanced up in slight shock as Natasha flounced into his office on the Helicarrier.

"COULSON." She screeched, her hair going slightly wild as she strode up to him. "Tony and Bruce are being complete and utter...TWATS." She finally exploded.

At that, Coulson blinked. It wasn't like Natasha to get so riled up. "Uh, why? What are they doing?...This time." He added as an afterthought, thinking about the last time Bruce and Tony had been up to...mischeif, in the lab.

"Why don't you go and find out." Natasha all but hissed, narrowing her eyes at him. Coulson remained completely unfazed, seeing as he was a little used to her mood swings like this.

"What, now? Or-"

"YES. NOW." She emphasized as she cut him off, flopping down into a chair and folding her arms over her chest.

With a sigh, Coulson rose out of his chair and shut his laptop. Leaving the Black Widow to sulk to herself, he headed down the newly cleaned corridors towards the lab, frowning when he approached it as he tried to evolve into a higher species so as to see what was written on the door at a distance.

When he drew to a halt outside the door, he read just four letters, printed in big bold writing and stuck to the door with bluetack. 'S. S. G. C.'

Rolling his eyes, he knocked sharply upon the lab door, only to hear a hushed whispering from inside, and perhaps a slightly quiet insane laugh, which immediately put him on edge. As the door opened the tiniest of cracks, Tony peered out at him.

"IQ?" He asked simply.

"Excuse me?" Coulson questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"You're excused. Now then, what is your IQ?" Tony stated with a devilish smirk.

Coulson could already see why Natasha had had her fur ruffled the wrong way. "Boys...What is this abou-"

"Phil. We can't let just anyone into the S. S. G. C...We need to make sure that they are intelligent enough to join." Bruce interupted.

"I beg your pardon?" Coulson asked incredulously, folding his arms.

Tony shook his head at him. "Really, begging won't work with us either. We won't alllow people into the Super Secret Genius Clubhouse unless their IQ test results are good enough. It's as simple as that."

Just this once, Coulson decided that his patience was allowed to wear thin, and thus considered himself completely justified when he forced himself into the lab and beat the two idiotic scientists up with a small electrical taser that they had been working on.

**Rule number 24:** The laboratory is not Tony and Bruce's 'Super Secret Genius Clubhouse.' They are not allowed to bar entry to employees based on IQ test results.

* * *

**_COULSON LIVES BITCHES. ^^D Don't mess with Agent Coulson. He kicked a god's ass._**

**_He's BADass. xD_**

**_Keep reviewing moi dearies!_**

**_Otherwise...Lestrade, Sherlock, take it away._**

**_Lestrade: And how many times exactly _**_did_**_ they fall out of the window?_**  
**_Sherlock: Oh, it's all a bit of a blur Detective Inspector...I lost count._**

**_=)_**

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	22. Rule 25, 26 & 27

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;**  
_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in fact._

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.**_  
_**Loki is not in it.**_  
_**Sorry about that.**_

_**I SEE PEOPLE ARE A PART OF THE SHERLOCK FANDOM. **_  
_**WELCOME MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS! =D**_

_**Also, I believe someone asked for a little more Coulson and bit of Natasha awkwardness? I tried to do it a bit in this one, hope it's ok. xD**_  
_**(I can't take any plot suggestions, but anything else like above for example character, I can. =D)**_

**Disclaimer;**  
_I DO NOT OWN AVENGED SEVENFOLD...Oh wait...That was wrong...Hang on...Uhm, cut? Can we cut here?_

Coulson looked up as Natasha strode into his office purposefully. Mentally he sighed. Just by the look on her face, he knew that whatever news she had, it wasn't going to be good. Although, he wished he had been a bit more prepared for what she had been about to say.

"Clint told me that Thor overheard Bruce being told by Tony that the Avengers are making a promotional pin-up calendar." She stated huffily, at first Coulson nodded, picking up the coffee cup that Stark had brought him earlier, noticing a small slip of paper underneath with what looked like a mobile number. Then Natasha added something else. "And a sex tape."

The coffee he had been taking a sip from, was suddenly paused, burning his tongue. Seconds later the coffee spewed from his mouth and he dropped the cup on the floor, where it smashed and spilled its contents everywhere, making him curse.

"Give me two minutes to go and change my suit." Coulson muttered as Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Now...Just...Do me a favour and clean that up would you?"

Natasha nodded curtly, just the once. Coughing up most of his previous coffee before swallowing it properly again, he hurried to his room and changed into a new suit, ignoring the astonished glances that various other agents sent in his direction as he walked past them.

Rubbing his forehead warily, he tried to remember what Natasha had told him. "Oh uhh...Bruce overheard...wait no...Clint overheard Thor being told by...Right." He muttered, making his way over to the lab.

He was taking far too many trips to the lab than he would have liked lately.

"Tony." He called into the lab as he opened the door, his voice calm. Too calm. The warning sign that both the scientists picked up on, makig them glance at each other warily.

"Mm?" Tony asked wordlessly as he looked over at Phil.

"A word, please." Coulson said, his tone clearly stating that it wasn't a request.

Shrugging, Tony put the equipment he had been holding carefully on the lab desk before meandering his way over to the door, catching Bruce small twitch of the lips as Tony secretly smirked at him before being ushered into the corridor.

Coulson coughed as he shut the door. "Before I start, anything you wanna say?" He questioned.

"I gave you my number...Thought you might caaaall..." Tony said coyly, winking at him.

"Evidently not." Phil sighed. "Tony. Let me make this clear now-"

"Please, go ahead." Tony smiled, his tone 'oh-so-polite'.

"The A-" Coulson started.

Stark raised his hands up in a defensive pose before letting them drop back to his sides. "Don't let me stop you." He added, 'innocently' cutting the agent off as he smirked.

Coulson glared at him for a second before continuing. "No pin-up calendar or sex tape. Of the Avengers. Else I'll feed you to Natasha and Clint and give them permission to...bully you...as it were, for a month or two."

Tony blinked at him. "Well then you heard it wrong. I never said the Avengers. I said Iron Man."

"Iron man isn't allowed to either."

"Did I say Iron Man? I meant Tony Stark, which is me."

"Tony." Coulson warned, his tone dangerous. "One more word about either of them in association with S.H.I.E.L.D, any of the codenames, or the Avengers, and I swear to god I will hurt you."

The genius, billionare, playboy, philanthropist let his shoulders droop as he pouted. "Damn it Coulson. You ruin all my fun."

**Rule number 25:** The Avengers are not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.  
**Rule number 26:** Iron Man is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.  
**Rule number 27:** Tony Stark is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.

**_Ehehehehehehe...^_^_**

**_Guys, your reviews have me in hysterics, seriously. Thank you...SO much. =')_**

**_AND WE HIT THE 300 MARK! =D YOU KNOW WHO'S AWESOME? YOU'RE AWESOME. ;D_**

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	23. Rule 28

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;**  
_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in fact._

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that.**_

**Disclaimer;**  
_TROLLOLOLOL,OLOLOL, OLOLOOOL~..._

* * *

Everyone around Thor winced as the Norse god let out a mighty roar. "WHERE ARE THEY?" He thundered (no pun intended). [Well, maybe pun intended].

"Where's who?" Bruce asked, seemingly the only one who was unfazed about Thor freaking out in the seat beside him in the canteen. Coulson, on the other side of the god, was slowly edging his way away from the huge brute.

"THE ONE WHO ATE THE LAST OF THE POP-TARTS." Thor raged, his eyes scanning everyone in the canteen, as though searching for the culprit. "WHOEVER IT IS, I SHALL FIND THEM AND BRING THE WRATH OF ODINSON DOWN UPON THEM."

Ignoring Tony's 'Oh dear god, what have I done' from the other side of the Avengers table, Bruce stood up and calmly took Thor's arm. "Tell you what, Thor, we'll put in a monthly thing for you down in the grocery list. 'Kay? We'll label it under your name and specialise it." He sighed, glaring at the philanthropist out of the corner of his eye as he lead Thor away.

"We have a grocery list?" The Captain asked in confusion. "On this thing?"

"More importantly, as amusing as that was, who ate the pop-tarts?" Tony questioned, sucking one side of his cheek inwards and allowing his tongue to explore it.

"I couldn't help it...Hell hath no fury like a God scorned." Clint smirked, brushing off Natasha's playful hit on the arm with a chuckle.

**Rule number 28: **Thor is not allowed to 'bring down the wrath of Odinson' on the person who ate the last pack of pop-tarts.

* * *

_**By the way guys, if I stop updating for more than 2 weeks, you are all hereby allowed to spam me with PM messages telling me to get my ass in gear. Oki doki Loki? ^_^**_

...I hope this doesn't happen. ^^"

Kai XxxXxxX


	24. Rule 29

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;**  
_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in fact._

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that.**_

_**I happened to notice that quite a few of you out there are Clint fangirls...;D**_

I bet you all thought I wasn't going to update again...didn't you. DIDN'T YOU. Humph. Just for that, I'm deliberating as to whether or not I should put the next chapter up too. *Pouts and looks away*

**Disclaimer;**  
_Have you noticed? I don't own the Avengers.  
__  
Director Fury was not the only one staring. Steve Rogers, Thor and Agent Coulson were all staring too. Natasha was delicately looking away and Bruce was trying to contain his laughter. Naturally, Tony burst out into raucous laughter.

All this was due to the fact that Clint 'Hawkeye' Barton, had decided to come into the Bridge and sit down at the S.H.I.E.L.D meeting table, without any trousers or undergarments, seating himself quite comfortably in his designated chair and leaning one hand against his cheek with his index finger pointing upwards, seemingly bored.

"Agent Barton." Fury stated in a clipped tone. "What the_ hell_is wrong with you?" He asked, his tone giving away his anger.

Barton shrugged. "I thought trousers were optional. Besides, I was already late."

"Clint." Coulson sighed. "I don't care, no one wants to see it."

"Natasha likes it." Clint stated with a raise of his eyebrow at the blushing female assassin.

Bruce finally joined in with Tony's laughter.

**Rule number 29: **Trousers are not optional at meetings.

_**I wrote this sitting in Waterstones café.  
Be proud of me. =L  
Kath XxxXxxX**_


	25. Rule 30

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;**  
_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in fact._

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that.**_

**Disclaimer;**  
_GIMME AN 'IOWNTHEAVENGERS'!...*Silence*...Awww...=/  
__  
Tony sighed as Fury paced in front of him and to reason with him. "Ok, I get that it was important...ish. But I really didn't think you'd have need of me durin-"

"It was a direct order, Stark." Fury growled, his coat whipping out behind hin as he turned on his heel. "To hell with what you _thought, _because you thought wrong. The Avengers were out on an official mission, and you decided you 'didn't want to'. You made your own decision, and since it was a _stupid-ass_ decision, _I've_ chosen to-"

"Look, Pepper said it was ok!" Tony shouted in defence, holding his palms up before crossing his arms over his chest.

Fury finally lost it.  
**  
Rule number 30**: 'Pepper said it was okay' is not a good enough reason to defy a director order from Director Fury.

_**Me: ...I think it's a brilliant excuse.  
Tony: Thank you. See? Listen to the tool.  
Me:...I'm a tool now?  
Tony: Do you get paid to give people entertainment?  
Me: No.  
Tony: Then yes, you are a tool.  
**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX  
(Who-is-still sat in Waterstones.)**_


	26. Rule 31

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ _fact._

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that.**_

**_Because it made me giggle...xD_**

**Disclaimer;**  
_AHAHAHAHAHHA-NO.  
_

* * *

"Look, it's not too bad Steve! Just try me, for once!" Tony pleaded as he looked up and bit his lip. The building that they had to try and save before it crashed to earth, was currently leaned up at a right-angle to the ground, a clear sign of already having fallen halfway. Rubble was scattered on the ground, and it was the task of Bruce and Clint to make sure that no one came near for fear of being hurt. "What's the worst that could happen?" Tony finally added.

Steve glanced around at the group and then nodded. "Ok fi-WATCH OUT." He yelled as a thundering crashing of concrete was heard above them, the building groaning as smashed down onto the pavement, destroying everything in its path.

Natasha stared at the collapsed building, then at Tony, the building again, and then back at Tony. "I swear you have bad karma going on." She commented.

Steve hung his head and sighed before raising his head and gave the genius a steely look. "Tony. If you ever say those words again, I'm going to kill you." He stated.

**Rule number 31:**The words 'What's the worst that could happen?' are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.

* * *

_**Ehehehehe,  
Kath XxxXxxX**_


	27. Rule 32

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that.**_

_**o_o Well. You guys made good on your promises. Especially one:**_  
_**IF YOU DO NOT UPDATE BY SATURDAY I WILL FILL A PILLOWCASE WITH BARS OF SOAP AND SOMEHOW HIT YOU WITH IT OVER THE INTERNET.**_

_**And on that note. I shall continue.**_

**Disclaimer;**  
_*Insert depressing disclaimer here*_

* * *

"My, my, my _music _hits me, so hard, makes me say oh my lord, thank you, for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet. It feels good, when you know you're down and a boy from the old town, and I'm known...as such. And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch." Tony sang as he made his way down the corridor of the Helicarrier. "Oh hey Thor." He greeted as the Norse god giant walked down the corridor towards him.

"Greetings Tony son of Stark." Thor beamed. "What is that song that you were singing but a moment ago?" He asked inquisitively.

Tony raised an eyebrow as he grinned. "I'm suprised you don't know big guy. I was singing your theme song."

"My theme song?" Thor questioned in confusion. "I have a theme song?"

"Yeah!" Tony exclaimed enthusiastically. "A guy called MC Hammer wrote it specially for you! Here, I'll teach it to you."

* * *

"THOR. BREAK IT DOWN." Captain America yelled as he pointed towards the large metal door in front of them.

Thor grinned and suddenly started dancing.

Everyone around him stared, not quite knowing what to do. "Uhhh...Thor...What are you-" The Captain started to ask.

"Can't touch this." Thor told him, continuing to dance.

Immediately, Clint and Tony started sniggering. Steve glanced at them before sighing heavily. "Thor. Stop-"

"Hammer Time." Thor cut him off, wielding Mjolnir above his head and smashing it down mightily upon the door, breaking it off of its hinges and sending it hurtling into the darkness of the building beyond it.

"What was that all about, Thor?" Steve questioned irritably.

"T'was my theme song, Roger's son." He boomed in reply, his face set in a massive grin.

Tony and Clint found themselves unable to breathe with laughter as Steve turned on them and started yelling at them, accusing them of using Thor's ignorance of Midgard for their own entertainment.

**Rule number 32: **MC Hammer did not write Thor a theme song.

* * *

_**Ehehehehehe! Loved writing that. xD**_

_**Ok, I humbly apologise for having not updated in at least 1 and a half weeks, ish...But I've been back to school, and am now doing the IB (French, English and German all at higher, eek!).**_

_**So if I don't update as much, it's because I'm doing lots of homework. And don't worry, I'll warn you if I have exams coming up, cause that'll be the time when you get maybe one update a month. xD**_

_**BUT. I plan ahead. If I don't update in at least two months, then here's what I'm actually doing:**_  
_**I will have written as many as I can in my free time, and they will be here on my computer, but I will not have updated. So that when I DO post, I can just upload it and not have to worry about writing it. Ok? Sound fair? Well it better. Cause it is. xD**_

_**GROSSES BISOUX!**_  
_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	28. Rule 33

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

**Summary;  
**_Coulson starts to make up rules as to the things that the Avengers are not allowed to do. 62 of them in_ fact.

_**This fic shall include all the Avengers and known S. H. I. E. L. D agents.  
Loki is not in it.  
Sorry about that.  
**_

* * *

**_To all of you who thought I was dead because I hadn't updated:_**

**_Good morning._**  
**_I like your funny hat._**  
**_I'm sad tonight, let's have dinner._**  
**_Mmm, you look sexy on crimewatch, let's have dinner._**  
**_I'm not hungry, let's have dinner._**

**_I'm not dead_**  
**_Let's have dinner._**

**Disclaimer;  
**_DDIIIISSSCCLLLAAAIMMMMEEERRR _

* * *

Bruce Banner was rudely awoken at no later than six o'clock in the morning, by having Tony shake him awake. Which was an impressive feat, seeing as Tony had done this a lot, and it was only last night that Bruce had set up the five-lock system. Which had evidently been broken, if the state of the locks were anything to go were slightly damaged, due to the lock-picking that Tony had had to do for the last two.

"Bruce! Wake up!" Tony hissed into the quiet early morning.

Bruce sat up blearily and rubbed his eyes. "Whu-What? Tony? What-" He glanced at the clock. "Oh jeez, _Tony_. It's not even six o'clock yet. Why the hell are you waking me up _now?_" He groaned.

"I found your child!" Tony said earnestly, holding up a picture of what looked like a small clay thing with eyes, something that looked like it could be found on a children's program. "Bruce! It's the love child of you and Reed Richards! It's Gumby!"

Bruce had to later be confined to the detention area, and Tony was rushed to the infirmary to have emergency treatment on removing the piece of paper that had been murderously shoved down his throat.

**Rule number 33: **Gumby is not the love child of Bruce Banner and Reed Richards.

* * *

_**DOCTOR WHO IS ON TONIGHT. =D**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	29. Rule 34

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.**

**_Ok, I know I talk quite a bit in these little author notes, so I'm thinking of just cutting them out...If you don't want me to, in your review put;_**  
**_GERONIMO!_**  
**_If you want me to stop them, put in your review;_**  
**_Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity._**  
**_If you don't mind, put in your review;_**  
**_DUDES YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!_**

**_Now then, on with the chapter. I found it hard to write this one, and I don't think it was too good, so I will upload the next chapter straight after._**  
**_(I mean no offence to anyone religious. Ok? -_- Please take a joke.)  
_**

* * *

Coulson was sat in his office, glancing at the large stack of papers in front of him as he waited for Director Fury to approach him after having thrown open the door. Which wasn't all that surprising considering what the Director had just seen.

"Director, what's wrong?" Coulson asked somewhat worriedly as he saw the irritated look on his boss's face.

"Your Agents. Are absolutely. _Ridiculous, when they're bored._" Nick Fury finally hissed as he glared at Coulson through his one eye as though it was his fault.

Coulson slumped in his seat as he mentally sweatdropped. "Natasha and Clint I presume? Great. Now what are they doing? As I remember last time, they put Cap's suit in the wash and used flour instead of washing powder, which nearly ruined it."

"I'll let you go and see down at the Bridge." Fury spat. "Sort it. Out." He growled as Coulson marched out of the door.

Upon arriving at the Bridge, Coulson actually facepalmed.

The two Agents were dressed up as though they belonged to some kind of church. Natasha in a nun's robes, and Clint of similar dress, but without the womans headpiece.

Clint's booming voice echoed over the Bridge, Natasha echoing him in a rather shrill tone. "Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided-"

An Agent working on one of the Bridge's computers finally spoke up. "Hey, look. We're trying to work here, so if you could just-"

Natasha's shrill screeching made the agent's former confidence disappear as he shrank back fearfully into his chair, watching Natasha's wild red hair flicked out behind her dangerously as she turned to him. "HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT THE TEACHINGS OF THE BIBLE. MAY YOU-"

"AGENT ROMANOV AND AGENT BARTON." Coulson hollered, making the agents freeze and turn to him. "My office. Ten seconds." He stated calmly yet threateningly.

"Run." Clint muttered, the both of them taking off at a sprint, shedding their costumes as they ran, with a seething Phil Coulson hot on their heels.

**Rule number 34:**Natasha and Clint are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again. Ever.

* * *

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	30. Rule 35

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**  
_**I personally fell about laughing whilst writing this, so I will say no more. ;D**_

* * *

"Ok, guys. This isn't funny. This is like, the 76th time this has played now. Give it a rest." Bruce called out into the pitch blackness of his room on board the Helicarrier.

There was no response, just the continuous music. Through the tannoy system, one song had been diverted to the speakers in Banner's room, and his room only. It wasn't that he didn't like the song, it was just that it was on repeat, rather loudly, and was starting to really piss him off.

"Guys. Turn it, _off_." Banner yelled in irritation, clenching his teeth together before shoving his pillow over his head.

Tony's voice suddenly came loud and clear over the tannoy over the top of the music. "We're just helping you to keep the 'other guy' out." He reasoned before clicking off and starting to play the music again.

As if to drive the point home, the tannoy started to increase in volume slightly. "Don't worry, be happy-"

The Hulk's roar of 'Hulk Smash' then proceeded to wake up everyone on the Helicarrier.

**Rule number 35: **Blasting 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' at top volume into Bruce's room on loop overnight is not an effective way to suppress the Hulk.

* * *

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	31. Rule 36

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**_**  
Ok, apparently you guys like my little notey things here, so I guess they're here to stay. ^-^  
So, these next few chapters that are coming up...Well, you're in for a right giggle fest. They're a few of my personal favourites on this list. (Especially number 38. Oh my god I nearly wet myself with laughter when I read it. x''''D )  
Anyway.  
CONTINUÉ LE CHAPTER! ^^D  
**_

* * *

Coulson narrowed his eyes at a few agents which every now and then kept looking up and into the rafters of the Helicarrier on the Bridge, scanning their eyes on the ceiling before quickly carrying on with their work. After at least the fifteenth time or more, he finally spoke up.

"Why does everyone keep looking up? Are you able to see the sky or something?" He questioned, folding his arms over his chest.

The agents glanced at one another beforeone of them coughed to clear his throat, obviously their unofficial spokesman. "We're sorry Sir. I-It's just that, we're new here, and we heard rumours about a man, or-or-or agent or whatever, who sits in the rafters and shoots anyone who's playing Galaga or doing stuff they shouldn't during work." He answered nervously.

Coulson resisted the urge to facepalm, instead maintaining his cool indifferent mask. "Agent Barnes, I can assure you that he does _not_shoot anyone playing Galaga."

"He? Are you saying that someone _does_sit up there?" Agent Barnes asked, his eyes wide.

Coulson nodded. "Yes, he does. But he's not currently up there now, because he's been forbidden to scare off any of the new recruits, so-"

"You sure you're an agent, Coulson? Last time I checked, I've been sitting here for the past three and a half hours with my bow. Not that any of them have been playing Galaga, meaning that I haven't really had any fun. But seriously, are you sure that your skills are up to scratch lately? Cause you've been slacking off, in my opinion." Clint's voice echoed over the Bridge, scaring the living daylights out of nearly all of the agents working there.

Except for Coulson, who merely clicked his tongue in irritation. "Clint. I was more than happy to let them believe that they were not being watched. And for you to stay up there as long as you shut up and didn't do anything stupid. Like that." He reprimanded coolly.

"Fuck that, scaring them is much more entertaining." Clint replied as he hung off one of the metal bars by his legs with his loaded bow in hand. One of the agents squeaked in fear of the sudden visual appearance.

"Agent Barton get down from there and go and amuse yourself somewhere else." Coulson snapped.

Clint was silent for a few seconds, his face impassive. Then he shrugged and dropped quite a way to the floor, where he hit the floor and rolled, coming up on one leg before standing up somewhat gracefully. "Yessir." He answered as he brushed past his handler. "No sir, three bags full sir." He added in a mutter.

"_Now. Barton._" Coulson growled, glaring at his agent as the archer grumbled and headed out of the Bridge.

**Rule number 36: **Hawkeye is not sitting in the rafters waiting to pick off people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours.

* * *

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	32. Rule 37

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

_**So. Guess who decided to update. ;D**_

OH! BY THE WAY! I would REALLY. REALLY. REEAALLLY appreciate this:  
I wanna see if I can get this fic to 1,000 reviews. It's like my own little personal goal. xD SO. I need everyone to review every chapter. If you've got friends who like Avengers fanfic who might like this, TELL THEM. TELL YOUR FRIENDS. YOUR FAMILY. YOUR CAT. YOUR DOG. YOUR HAMSTER. HELL, TELL YOUR TEACHERS. ='L  
But yeah, PLEASE review, kay guys? Those who already do (you know who you are, especially Arrows. ;D), thank you SO, SO, SO, SOOOOO MUCH! I can't say how much this means to me. My other fic, 30 Excuses of Loki, managed to get to about 700 reviews, and I was absolutely ecstatic. So I wanna do better than that! =D Kay?  
Right. I'll shut up now. X'D  


* * *

"And that's all we have to do?" Natasha asked, raising one of her beautiful, delicate eyebrows as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Tony nodded and handed the pair of them a small stack of notes, in fifties, making Clint grin in anticipation of his mission. "I'm going to enjoy this." He stated wickedly.

* * *

Natasha just barely poked her head around the corner of the white pastel walls and took a quick glance down the corridor. She quickly pulled back just as two military men passed by, heading past her and down the corridor that was adjoined to hers. Taking a breath of relief, she checked the corridor again before scuttling around the corner.

Meeting no other agents along the way, she kept low with her hand trained on the handle of her gun which was strapped to the belt on her waist. Upon coming to the door at the end of the corridr, she turned and gently placed her back to the cool flat of the door. Here she took her gun out and made sure the safety was on. Then she turned kicked the door, making it crash open with a slam, startling the lone man who was sitting at his desk.

General Ross stared at her and cleared his throat, casting a disapproving eye over her as she stalked over to him, keeping the gun behind her back. "Ms. Romanov. Would you please explain why you think being excused of your duties is a reason to come and disturb me during a meeting? Surely you have something to be doing." He said patronizingly.

"I was bribed. But it was a good deal." Natasha shrugged. "Besides, you have a lot to answer for you know."

The general raised an eyebrow. "Oh do I now? Pray tell." He sighed.

Natasha snorted. "I seem to recall that you told Director Fury that whilst we were fighting to _save_ American lives, you intended to destroy them because you thought that you had _no other choice_a nd tried to blow them all up with a missile."

Ross looked slightly offended at that. "I'm quite sure I don't know what you're talking about." He said coolly.

"Oh, so the missile that Iron Man diverted into the enemy portal was not initially intended for New York then?" Natasha questioned skeptically.

"Be quiet." He growled. "And get out."

"Think of the people you could have killed. All the families that were depending on us to save them. The fathers. Mothers. Children." She spat. "They would have died, because of _you_."

The general checked over his left shoulder for a moment, having sworn he had heard something behind him. "I'm over here." Natasha reminded him, giving the general her best glare. "By the way, no one is mean to Bruce Banner and calls him a scientific freak of nature. Then again, you are a bit of a dick, so I think that we should probably expect that from you. But I hope you know what you've tried to do. Undermine the people who saved your life. You owe us."

"I know what you're trying to do Ms. Romanov. And it won't work on me." Ross stated impassively, standing up and clasping his hands behind his back.

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Well then this is about to get a little bit nasty." She remarked indifferently, bringing the gun out from behind her back and aimed it at him. General Ross immediately brought his hands up from where he had clasped them behind his back not moments ago, also wielding a gun that was pointed in her direction.

And that was when Clint Barton dropped out of the airvent on top of him.

There was a miniature tussle on the floor, in which Barton choked him with his tie, punched him in the face (repeatedly) and managed to kick him in the privates at least once. Before the general was able to shoot his gun or call for help, Clint finally punched him in the face hard enough to knock him out cold.

"That was for the Avengers, you great big douchebucket." Clint snorted, standing up.

Suddenly Nick Fury's voice rang out loud and clear from the computer. "Clint Barton and Natasha Romanov. I was in a meeting with him that was rather important. Also, I hope you know that we are dealing with Stark as we speak, and that I want you in my office the moment you get back to HQ, is that understood?"

Natasha glanced at Clint, who took the money out of his pocket and waved it in the air smugly at her, making her smirk as she took her own wad of money out from her bra. 'I think we come out on top of all of this.' She mouthed, making him nod in agreement.

"We will be returning to HQ immediately, Sir." Clint replied at long last, smirking.

**Rule number 37:**Tony is not allowed to bribe Natasha and Clint to physically, emotionally or psychologically torture General Ross for being 'a great big douchebucket' and 'being mean to Brucie-kins'.

* * *

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	33. Rule 38

**62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

_**...I love you all. ='3 You are the best reviewers an author could ever have. I take my hat off to you for bringing me such wonderful and hilarious reviews. *Takes hat off to you all*. And some of them were HILARIOUS by the way, =P And a lot of you agree with me. ROSS HAD IT COMING. XD**_

_**Ok, I've decided to update this at 07:20 AM because I've a busy day today, so I might forget this afternoon. SO I'M DOING THIS OUT OF LOVE. BWA HAHAHAHAHA!**_

_**By the way, you can blame Tumblr for how much I know about the American elections. ;D**_

_**Now. On with the chapter. (P.S; This is my favourite rule. 3)**_

* * *

Mitt Romney checked his tie for the hundredth time along with his hair, his suit and everything else that he was wearing. He glanced upwards momentarily as a camera guy signalled to him. "Sir, we are live in 3, 2." He said, mouthing the one as he held up one finger.

Romney started talking, his face a complete mask of seriousness as he did so. His tone suggested that he thought he knew everything, and therefore was the obvious candidate for the place of America's president.

"-I am here for the people. I can do what they want, and I can listen to them. I am not one of those hero's who thinks they can save America with ridiculous amounts of super strength and focusing on one state, like Captain New York and those forty-nine, other, lesser states. I am here for America as a whole, and we will do this. Together."

The camera guy's jaw dropped incredulously as Romney continued, his voice registering as nothing but blurred noise.

Therefore when the door behind him was kicked in and something round and metal was thrown so that it stuck in the wall, cutting Mitt Romney off as a tall well-built man strode in, wearing clothes that made the camera guy feel faint as he realised that he was seeing Captain America in the flesh.

"How dare you say that we hero's don't care for America as a whole. We have done more for this country than you could imagine. I'd like to see you try to do the same." Steve Rogers growled as he shook Romney by the front of his shirt, which was currently screwed up in the Captain's tight fist that was gripping him.

With a disgusted lip twitch, the Captain released the president candidate and yanked his shield out of the wall, putting his arm firmly through the straps before walking out. As he reached the door, he paused and looked back. "Oh and by the way." He called out. "It's Captain America. Get it right." He snapped, ducking out of the doorway and slamming the door on his way out.

The camera guy turned red as he realised that in the short space of time in which the event had occured, he had forgotten to cut the camera, meaning that everyone in America had just seen the Captain give Romney hell. "Aw man." He muttered, quickly cutting it off as Mitt Romney merely quivered a little and tried to smooth down his shirt.

**Rule number 38: **Steve is 'Captain America' not 'Captain New York and those 49 other, lesser states.'

* * *

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	34. Rule 39

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.**

_**Ok...Any of the political rules are gonna involve Romney. Purely because it's hilarious. =')**_

* * *

Bruce Banner sat in crowd as he listened to Mitt Romney talking about how he could 'improve America and restore it to its former glory'. With each passing second he could feel the depression setting in, the continual drone of the man's voice starting to get on his nerves.

He sat there, listening to the horrendous lies that were spouted from the man's mouth and thinking about what a waste of space the douchebag was. His thoughts turning angrier at angrier at the ideas that the man wanted to put in place.

Finally, Mitt Romney noticed that he had one of the Avengers in the crowd. "Ah! Bruce Banner, a pure genuis of science and a friend of mine! What do you think would be a good, interesting diplomatic policy?" He questioned, his tone a little more friendly.

His face was full of concern however as he watched thin green vains start to appear all over the scientist's body, the clothes tearing at the seams. Suddenly Bruce looked up, his face having morphed into the green, hideous face of the 'other guy'.

"HULK. SMASH!" The Hulk roared, charging forwards towards the terrified Mitt Romney.

**Rule number 39: **'Hulk SMASH!' is not an effective diplomatic policy.

* * *

_**Ehehehe**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	35. Rule 40

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**_**  
Loki: The author does not wish to speak, and so because I apparently have a cold and evil voice, I have been asked (forced) to say the following:**_

_**Kai got a couple of reviews saying that some people are republicans (whatever that means. Stupid midgardians.) or that they will stop reading if there's anything else on politics because it sucks all the humour out of the chapters.**_

**_Firstly - She doesn't care what you are. She's not intending to offend anyone. At all. It's a joke. A fanfic. It was on the list. (Not specifically Mitt Romney. He was just her victim)._**

**_Secondly - There is one more kind of politics related chapter in the future, near the end-ish. It will include Romney, because it's amusing, but it's more to do with the Avengers, not him._**

**_Thirdly - She doesn't actually HAVE a political view. At all. Period. Full stop. If anything, she wants me, Loki Laufeyson for President/PM. Because she will kneel, like a good midgardian._**

**_Alright?_**  
**_Good._**  
**_Now that her mini rant is over (which is apparently nowhere near what it was in her head), we shall proceed with the chapter._**

**_Enjoy it whilst it lasts, you mewling quims._**  
_

"TONY HEY WHAT THE HELL, HOLY SHIT THAT'S HOT. AAAAAA-"

"SOMEONE GET ME SOME WATER. OR A FIRE EXTINGUISHER."

"HOLD ON CAP, WE'RE GOT THI-"

There was the sound of a lot of water splashing everywhere, followed by a tense silence.

"Tony. What. The. HELL. Have. You. Done. To. My. HAIR." Steve growled, his clothes a sodden mess.

The genius in question swallowed nervously as he stood next to Bruce in the science lab, biting his lip as they both glanced at the charred piece of hair that was smoking a little on the top of the Captain's head. "I swear, Steve, I never meant to set your hair on fire-"

"The hell you did." Bruce muttered, making Tony grimace and elbow his lab partener in the side.

"That looked like more than an accident Tony." Coulson stated, his face seriously disapproving.

"Look, Cap, I'm sorry! What can I do to make it up to you?" He asked, his arms spread out wide in the 'what' gesture. "Name it. If it's a new hairdo or a wig, or a new shield, or-"

"Move the Dodgers back to Brooklyn. You can do that can't you? Just buy them and move them." Steve snapped quickly, folding his arms over his chest. The water squelched a little as he moved, making him want to squirm out of the drenched clothes.

"Ok." Tony nodded, acting as though it was a completely normal thing to ask for, whereas Bruce spluttered a little beside him, successfully managing to turn it into a cough.

"Stark, I don't care how rich and powerful you are. You're not doing it." Coulson warned, making Tony sigh in exasperation as he turned back to a still irritated Steve.

"Sorry capsicle. Looks like I'll just have to make you a 'sorry' card. Crayons and all." He apologised with a shrug of indifference.

**Rule number 40: **Tony is not allowed to buy the Dodgers and move them back to Brooklyn to apologize for lighting Steve's hair on fire.

_**  
**_**For any of you who don't know who or what the Dodgers are, they're an American baseball team. Don't be alarmed if you didn't know, because I didn't either. I had to do some research. XD  
I mean, hey, I'm British. ;D  
ALL THE BRITS IN THE HOUSE SAY AAAAAAYYYYYYYYOOO! **_  
_**  
By the way, WE'RE TWENTY CHAPTERS AWAY FROM THE END. D= REVIEW QUICKLY! AND EVERY CHAPTER FROM NOW! ^_^  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	36. Rule 41

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do.  
**_**  
Ok, I sat in my school library and wrote this. So YAY FOR INSPIRATION.**_

* * *

"Bruce, why do I have to be the test subject?" Tony whined from where he was sat on the table top.

Banner rolled his eyes. "You've made me the 'test subject' for the last ten experiments. My turn." He answered bluntly. Tony opened his mouth to start protesting again, but Bruce swiftly cut him off. "Look, if it's any consolation, it's got alcohol in it."

That stopped the whining almost immediately.

Until he said; "You know. I still don't trust you and your experiments."

Bruce glared at him before his face morphed into an evil grin as he held up loads of weird looking needles. "Trust me. I'm a doctor." He chuckled darkly.

Minutes later saw Clint and Steve bursting into the lab, bow, shield and gun at the ready. "Wh-what's wrong?" Steve asked in confusion. "We heard Tony screaming at you and thought th-"

"Is that acupuncture?" Clint asked, lowering his gun with a short laugh.

"It's filled with alcohol. I wanted to see the effects it would give" Bruce answered, giving the moaning Tony a side-long glance.

Clint raised an eyebrow. "I want to try some of that."

Just at that moment, Tony fell from the table top and onto the floor, where he yelled a lot of slurred swearwords.

**Rule number 41: **The phrase 'Trust me, I'm a doctor' never leads anywhere good.

* * *

_**Hope you enjoyed! ^_^  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	37. Rule 42

**62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do.  
**_**  
I apologise if this chapter is a bit rubbish, but I've had a bit of a bad day today, so I haven't got much inspiration. But I promised myself that I'd update tonight to keep you guys happy.  
So I hope it isn't too bad. ^^/  
**_

* * *

Tony grimaced as Clint laughed at the the small glass that the genius held in his hand. They were sat at the canteen, bottles full of odd sauces, sugars and other various food stuffs set around the table that they were sat to. "What's the forfeit if I don't drink this one?" He asked, eyeing the contents of his cup.

"You have to record yourself singing 'You got the love' and put it over the tannoy." Clint grinned wickedly.

The philanthropist groaned lightly before bracing himself and swiftly lifting the small shot glass to his lips, downing it in one. Even though it passed though his mouth for all of two seconds, he could taste the mix of vodka, hot sauce and pepper, making him want to retch and bring it all back up as he slammed the small glass on the table again.

"Lemme see." Clint ordered, glancing into Tony's mouth as he opened it to show that he'd swallowed it, continuously struggling with his gag reflexes. "Damn you." The archer muttered, watching as his fellow Avenger started to mix him a drink.

"This, Barton, is gonna be a special." Tony remarked, starting to add a clear liquid to the shot glass.

"It's water so far." Clint commented with a small laugh, which made Stark look up at him and raise an eyebrow.

Suddenly Tony added a mixture of at least three quarters of green food colouring, a dash of rosemary and salt, and even a little tuna. Immediately, Clint pulled a face of disgust, making Tony smirk. "What's wrong agent boy?"

"I hate fish." Clint muttered, slumping down in his seat a little bit and playing with the glass as it was thrust across the table towards him.

"Who hates fish?" A voice called out with a laugh, making the two men glance up to see Bruce Banner walking across the length of the canteen towards them, his hands in the pockets of his new brown trousers. "Fish is supposed to be healthy for you Barton. As an agent, aren't you required to have a, uh..._balanced_diet?" He chuckled, making Clint smile witheringly at him before shooting him the finger, which in turn made Bruce tut.

"Hey Bruce. I dare you to drink this. It's water with a bit of a...kick. That is, unless you're a pussy and can't take the real stuff." Tony grinned, quickly changing the subject as he held out the Clint's small shot glass.

Banner raised an eyebrow before he swiped the glass off of the table and threw the liquid down his throat in one, holding the glass out for Tony to accept. "What, exactly was in that?" He questioned with a cough.

"Oh, just some rosemary, salt, and some tuna." Clint laughed.

The scientist rolled his eyes. "Good thing none of that is gonna hurt me or make a difference to the test I'm about to have." He commented.

"Test?" Stark asked curiously. "What test?"

"I've been having urine tests about once a month since the battle with Loki. Just to make sure that the 'other guy' isn't breaking through slowly." Banner explained. "Speaking of which, I'm nearly late for it. So I'll see you later." With that he raised a hand in farewell and promptly left.

Clint and Tony glanced at one another. "Shit. The food colouring." Tony stated.

Seconds later they were rolling in their seats, unable to contain the hysterical laughter that bubbled up from inside them. Their laughter only managed to cease after about ten minutes, the both of them trying to control their breathing.

Suddenly a roar of anger that heralded both of their names erupted from the other side of the Helicarrier, the voice unmistakably Banner's.

This time, the two of them had tears rolling down their faces, barely able to breathe for laughter.

**Rule number 42: **It is not funny to dare Bruce to drink three quarters of green food coloring before a urine test.

* * *

_**^It's not funny guys.**_

_**It's hilarious. ;D  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	38. Rule 43

**62 Thigns The Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**_**  
I haven't updated in a while, I know, I'm sorry.  
I have been juggling school and Supernatural.  
Very important times indeed. ;D  
HOWEVER, if everyone reviews, it'll remind me to save some time to write these for you, because it'll let me know that people ARE actually still out there reading this...thing. =L  
Enjoy S.O.B's! XD  
**_

* * *

Steve Rogers fiddled with his tie backstage, causing Bruce to roll his eyes as he calmly forced the Captain's hands away from it. "Cap, it's ok. We're just standing there and looking good. That's all. Tony's got it all under control." He reassured him, smiling comfortingly.

"That's why we're worried." Clint remarked offhandedly as he checked the cuffs on his suit. Banner gave him a meaningful look, swatting him upside the head. "Hey, watch the hair big guy."

Thor looked pleased. "It is like being back in Asgard. Where we would be welcomed home with a gigantic feast." He boomed proudly.

Clint eyed him out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah but if we all had to dress like you in your battle gear...well, I don't particularly feel like wearing a superman cape, no offence." He muttered, shaking his head with a short humourless laugh.

"You know, I really don't know why I'm wearing a dress. A red dress. On me." Natasha grumbled, ignoring their antics as she glanced down at herself.

"You look beautiful Natasha." Steve commented politely, trying not to seem so nervous. He was already sweating.

"Thanks Cap." She smiled, touching her hair to make sure that it was still pulled up into the beautiful hairdo that had been done not minutes before.

"Red hair, red dress, blushing cheeks. Yep. Now you're red all over 'tasha." Barton snickered, checking his collar at the same time as Banner did, who was trying not to laugh at the comment.

The female assassin turned to glare at him, managing not to fall over in her heels. "Shut up. You're the one who looks like he's had his bow shoved up his ass." She retorted in slight annoyance, her tone light and joking but with a hint of menace lacing the edges of her voice.

Steve pressed a hand to his head as he heard Tony's voice through the microphone from on-stage, accompanied by the frenzied scream of the crowds. "My dear friends, are you ready to meet your saviours?"

Stark then started to introduce them, but not yet actually calling them out onto the stage, merely naming them just so that he could get the crowd excited. Which to him, naturally, was easier than eating a cheeseburger.

"The Hulk!"

"The Assassin Duo!"

"The Thunder God!"

"And Captain Tightpants!"

Laughter ensued the last one, which made Steve ball his hands into fists. "That son of a bitch." He muttered. "I swear, if he doesn't change it-"

Tony's voice cut through again. "I joke, I joke. Of course, I-"

"Relax Steve," Banner soothed him, "it's not that bad-"

"-mean the All-American Virgin." Tony finished, causing utter hilarity from the crowd as they all but clutched onto one another with laughter from where they either sat or stood.

Backstage, however, there was dead silence. Seconds later, the four remaining Avengers panicked as Steve -previous stage nerves forgotten- stormed out on stage in a fury screaming:  
"PUT ON THE SUIT."

**Rule number 43: **Steve is not to be introduced as 'Captain Tightpants' or 'The All-American Virgin.'

* * *

_**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW.  
Otherwise I'll set Raphael on you, for those who watch Supernatural.  
For the other fandoms, I'll set these guys on you;  
The Master  
Moriarty  
Orochimaru  
Klaus  
Voldemort  
Cato/President Snow  
Father Alexander  
Thanos**_

**_Scared?_**  
**_You should be. o_o_**  
**_Kai XxxXxxX_**  
**_(P.S; If you watch SPN, include 'EYE OF THE TIGER' in your review! ;D)_**


	39. Rule 44

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**_**  
SPN FANS...I watched Swan Song last night. D''x  
Kinda cried the whole way through. _ But I'm (finally) on to Season 6 now, so YAY!  
Anyway.  
You all reviewed again! I nearly flailed around on my floor when I saw these. (Yes I read my e-mails on the floor. It's the safest place, don't judge. ;D)  
To think nearly ALL of you are Supernatural fans, ='3  
However, as Cas would say, this is not of import right now.  
I'm no prophet like Chuck, BUT I SHALL WRITE! ^^'3**_

* * *

The Avengers had assembled.

At the canteen table, with their coffee's and suchlikes in hand.

"My suit keeps tearing. This is the fourth time this week." The Captain grumbled, fingering a large rip on the right arm of his suit.

"Yeah well at least yours is skin-tight and relatively light. Mine's a huge suit of armour that sometimes decides to wear down and get stuck halfway through a battle, so that I can't move." Stark muttered in response.

Clint rolled his eyes in Tony's direction. "Well, you chose your armour. So quit whining."

Before the genius could open his mouth to reply, Natasha spoke up after having taken a delicate sip of her now luke warm hot chocolate. "Clint's right. He and I _have _to wear these kinds of suits pretty much all the time, because we're nearly always on a mission."

"Kinda makes me wish your suit would tear Natasha. Right inbetween your-" Tony never finished that sentence, as Steve's hand hitting the back of his head cut him off rather abruptly.

Thor then decided to speak up. "You humans are so petty. Those of Asgard have armour made such as this, so that we may withstand all kinds of potential injuries. And we look for fights with Bilgesnipe to help us become true warriors."

"Yeah, but you wear your mother's curtains on your shoulders, so I wouldn't hold out too much hope on the 'warrior' front." Clint snorted skeptically.

There was a pause, in which no one said anything or even looked at each other. Steve played with his polystyrene coffee cup absentmindedly, whereas the others merely stared off into space in slight boredom.

"You know, maybe we should just charge into battle completely naked." Tony finally stated.

"What, like the Celts?" Clint laughed shortly, seemingly amused by his friend's suggestion.

They all stared at him. "That, is the worst suggestion, I have _ever _heard." Natasha snapped irritably, folding her arms over her chest.

The Captain sighed in exasperation. "Stark-"

"Ahaha, Stark. As in stark naked. Good one." Clint snickered, even more amused when he caught the evil glare that the playboy sent in his direction.

"Tony." Steve tried again, pursing his lips in annoyance. "We do _not_charge into battle naked. Ever."

"But the Hulk does!" Tony protested.

At this, Banner turned his head slowly to look at his lab partner, who shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat. "Thanks Tony. But you really didn't need to bring that up. As in, at all." He said calmly, an edge of irritation in his voice.

"...Well he does." Tony muttered in his defence. "Sometimes."

**Rule number 44: **The Avengers do not charge into battle, naked like the Celts. Except for The Hulk. Sometimes.

* * *

_**REVIEW PLEEEAAASSSEEE!**_

**_Kai XxxXxxX_**


	40. Chapter 45

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**_**  
You may now hit me with Mycroft's umbrella.  
*Closes eyes and presses the upload button***_

* * *

The agent wilted slightly in front of the female assassin, who was currently raising an eyebrow at him with one eyebrow raised. "Oh god no." He whimpered. "Please no. Don't glare at me, please, I don't want to die. I have a family, a w-wife and three kids. Please agent Romanov, don't glare at m-"

"What?" Natasha asked, unsure of what he was going on about.

The agent paused awkwardly and coughed a little to clear his throat. "I heard that if you glared at us...then...well...that...Your glare is fatal."

She stared at him emotionlessly, her face completely blank apart from the odd twitch.

He shifted on the spot uncomfortably. "Uhm, can I go now?" He asked timidly.

"Go." Natasha said monotonously, her voice sounding just a little bit strained as she also turned and headed to another part of the helicarrier.

The two scientists looked up as the red-haired woman entered the lab, a curious look on her face as she stopped in front of Tony and blocked him from his work, one hand on her hip showing that she wanted answers.

"Why are all the agents _even more_terified of me?" She demanded.

"More terified? Is that even possible 'Tasha?" Tony questioned with a grin.

"It's Natasha to you. And yes, apparently it is. The latest excuse being that apparently my glare is fatal...Any ideas?"

Tony searched the ceiling for a moment before shrugging. "Nope. None. Now off you pop. We've got serious work going on in here in the name of science. So shift your little assassin butt out of here."

Huffing slightly, Natasha spun on her heel and flounced out of the lab. "Tony. My glare is _not_fatal." She called over her shoulder as she left.

"Yes it is! All men will learn to fear it!" Tony shouted back.

Bruce rolled his eyes and sighed. "Tony...It's _seriously_not a fatal glare. Stop trying t-"

"Wait! Shh shh shh!" Tony hushed him, sounding as though it was something very important, looking around mysteriously as he sidled up to his lab partener. "Do you hear that?" He asked, his voice nearly a whisper. "It's the winds...of change."

"Shut up." Banner chuckled, shoving the hysterical Stark away from him.

**Rule number 45:** Natasha's glare is not in fact fatal. Tony is not allowed to continue implying that it is.

* * *

**:L  
Kai XxxXxxX**


	41. Chapter 46

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**_**  
I'm eating pringles.  
That is all.**_

* * *

"Bruuuuuuccciiieee..." Tony started, making Bruce take a deep breath and prepare himself for whatever was about to come out of his lab partner's mouth, as he knew that tone of voice, and it never boded well.

"Mhm?" He hummed, trying not to use words. As he got no response, he looked up to see Tony giving him puppy dog eyes accompanied by a mischevious smirk.

"...We should make Natasha some death ray goggles."

"No."

"But I-"

"What is the word 'no', Tony?" Banner suddenly questioned, looking at his friend over the top of his glasses like a disapproving teacher.

"...Final." Tony sighed in defeat.  
_**  
**_**Rule number 46: **Tony is not allowed to convince Bruce to help him make death ray goggles so that it will be.

* * *

_**Eheheh. (Btw, I changed my username.) ;D  
Kaitaru Stark-Laufeyson  
XxxXxxX**_


	42. Chapter 47

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.**_****_

...Oppan 'vengers Style.

* * *

"NO." Steve yelled simultaneously with his fellow Avengers as they all stared at the TV in a mixture of anger and horror as Mitt Romney stepped forward to accept the position of president for the United States of America.

"No. No. No. No. No. No-" Banner repeated over and over to himself.

"Nope." Clint stated emotionlessly as Natasha checked her gun.

"WHAT IS THIS PETTY RACE THINKING?!" Thor thundered.

Tony drew himself up a little from inside his Iron Man suit. "Guys. It's time to do something I've always wanted to do, but have never before had cause to do." He said confidently. "We're going to overthrow the government."

* * *

Mitt Romney screamed in terror as the window to the right of him smashed inwards, accompanied by a large green monster that roared and snarled at him as it shook the pieces of glass off of it.

At the same moment, Captain America, Thor, Agents Romanov and Clint burst through the door to the office, bearing weapons that were all currently aimed at him.

"Romney, get out of the chair." Steve stated. "Now." He added more forcefully when the man didn't move.

The moment the shaking man stood, Thor grabbed hold of him and flew out of the open window that the Hulk had smashed through.

Meanwhile, Tony marched in at that moment without his Iron Man suit, walking alongside Barack Obama. "Congratulations, you are now the president of America. Camera crews are on their way, interviews are being set up, and newspapers are on the go...Courtesy of me." He beamed as he helped Obama to sit down in the chair.

Suddenly, Tony got a phone call. He stared at the number on it and froze slightly. "Uhh, we have a problem." He coughed, his voice holding a slight undertone of worry.

"Who is it?" Natasha asked.

"Fury." Tony replied.

Everyone was silent for a moment, listening to the constant ring of the mobile in Tony's hand.

"Clint you take it." Tony stated, pressing it into Clint's hand, who recoiled and threw it to Natasha.

"Hey! Don't give this thing to me!" She panicked, throwing it back to Tony, who merely threw it over to the Captain, the two of them starting a fast 'hot potato' match.

"Not me either! Man up and answer it Tony!"

"Hell no!"

"It was your idea!"

"But I didn't think that it would-Uh oh." Tony came to a halt as he pressed the 'answer' button just as he threw it to Steve, who caught it at the last second.

There was a tense pause, and pulling a face that wordlessly said 'fuck', Steve raised the phone to his ear. He then thought better of it and quickly put the phone on speaker phone. "Director Fury? This is Steve Rogers." He stated clearly.

"AVENGERS OF AMERICA. HOW DARE YOU TRY TO OVERTHROW THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT. I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED. IF ANY OF YOU TAKE ANOTHER STEP OUT OF LINE, YOU WILL ALL BE PUT IN THE DETENTION CAGE. AM I CLEAR? Oh and Obama...Congratulations on becoming president. Your country is _so _proud."

There was a click, and the phone call ended.

**Rule number 47: **The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow the American government, just because they didn't like the results from the last election.

* * *

_**(NO HATE.)  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	43. Chapter 48

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.**

**_YAAAY Double chapter! =D_**  
**_Heh, I don't even know if people are still reading this. But oh well._**  
**_Next chapter tomorrow._**  
**_Maybe._**  
**_If I'm nice._**

_**WARNING; CROSSOVER ALERT.  
Hint:  
Vatican Cameos.**_

* * *

Tony sighed as he and his fellow Avengers arrived outside the houses of Parliament. "Are we quite ready?" He asked as he watched Natasha check her gun for at least the twentieth time.

"Yeah. The guy is called Gordon Brown. He paid me insult once. We're going to return the favour." She stated emotionlessly.

Banner raised an eyebrow as he got out of the cab alongside Steve and Thor.

"Suit up Banner." Steve nodded.

* * *

Director Fury raised an eyebrow as his office phone started to ring. Taking a deep breath, he answered it. "Director Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Mycroft Holmes, head of MI6, British government." The voice on the other end of the line replied, his voice sharp. "I'm afraid we have a problem."

If Nick was surprised, he didn't show it. "This isn't my division."

"Oh I think you'll find it is Director. As we are currently holding a scientist, a super-solider, Norse god, a...genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist as he calls it, and two highly trained assassins." Mycroft said calmly, listening as Fury groaned out loud. "I believe you know these people."

"What did they do?" Fury questioned, rubbing his forehead as he started to feel a headache coming on.

"They have just tried to overthrow the British Government and replace our Prime Minister."

"I'll be in England as soon as possible."

* * *

Steve Rogers and the Avengers looked up as their cell door opened and a man with mousey brown hair walked in with a walk that he could easily recognise. "Which war soldier?" He asked.

"How do you know I'm a soldier?" The man asked, blinking slightly in surprise.

"Takes one to know one." Steve smiled. "Steve Rogers, Captain America." He introduced himself, holding out his hand to the man.

"Oh. Uhh, John Watson." John introduced himself with a smile.

"John, don't bother introducing yourselves to criminals." Another voice cut in smoothly, coming from a tall dark haired man with very visible cheekbones.

"Sherlock, take another look and make a deduction. These men, and lady, are heroes." A man added as he walked in with an umbrella alongside Director Fury.

"Mycroft, there are no such things as heroes." Sherlock sighed impatiently. "Take this brute with the red cape here for example. No hero I've ever heard of has ever carried a hammer, and most people don't do that in public. Most people don't dress like that in public. Hmmm...lets see. Slight childhood issues, recent family argue with the brother...or maybe father. Probably brother going by the way your jaw just clenched. Now, from his appearance, he looks like a trained solider, so perhaps army based or..." He started to trail off suddenly, seeing a couple of flaws in his mental reasoning as he looked Thor up and down. "But...wait, no. That doesn't make sense."

"It's ok. He apparently comes from a different world." Mycroft informed him, patting his younger brother on the shoulder.

Sherlock blinked at him for a moment, and shook his head, marching out of the cell and muttering to himself.

Mycroft sighed. "Sorry about that. He should be ok a bit later. Just needs time to get his mind around the idea. Now then...About you overthrowing our government..."

"Oh hell." Tony muttered as Fury stepped forwards and took a deep breath.

"Here we go." Clint agreed.  
**  
Rule number 48: **The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow any government, without checking in with S.H.I.E.L.D. first.  
_**_  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	44. Rule 49

_**62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**__**  
Warning: Updates are gonna get slow again. Sorry. But expect more when the christmas break starts! =) I'm aiming to be done with this fic by January/Febuary at the latest. =P  
My homework overload has been somewhat MENTAL lately, and so having then done the homework, I feel drained, meaning that I lose the 'Imagination Mojo'.  
Yes.  
It's called the 'Imagination Mojo'. Deal with it. xL  
But hey! I updated again tonight, so enjoy, and please review!**_

* * *

Clint looked around him as he pocketed the small bag and swiftly jumped into the vents in the ceiling above the lab. Crawling along on his hands and knees, he was almost silent as he made his way through the metal venting system. Being slim gave him an advantage in which to be able to do this, which made his job as an assassin so much easier.

When he smelt the first waft of freshly baked cookies, he knew that he was nearly upon his target. Passing over a small square grating, he stopped and sniffed quietly. Here he could smell the cookies the strongest. Slowly and silently, he removed the grating and slipped down through the gap, landing directly behind one of his fellow comrades and clearing his throat loudly.

Thor Odinson jumped violently and spun round in his pink cooking apron, Clint just barely managing to duck under the pink oven-mitten-ed hand that swung around where his head had been not moments before as the large Asgardian turned towards him.

"AHA! AGENT LEGOLAS! I SEE YOU HAVE SMELT THE COOKIES!" Thor roared, making Clint wince at both the volume and the nickname that he guessed Tony evidently had been telling Thor to call him.

"My name is Clint. Clint Barton." He corrected. "And yes, they smell great. But that was not what I came here for."

Thor glanced at him in surprise "Oh? And what is it that you came to find me for?" Producing a small plastic bag out of seemingly nowhere, Clint held it up so that the warrior could see its contents. "Beans?" Thor questioned.

"Not just beans." Clint smirked. "Magic beans."

Raising and eyebrow, Thor stroked the stubble on his jawline with his oven-mitten. "And what is their purpose?"

"You eat them and they fill you with happiness and you feel...magical." Clint replied. "I know from experience, and they are the best, I can promise that."

Grinning, Thor went to take them. "These sound like fun-" He started.

Quickly, Clint pulled them back. "Ah, ah, ah. For a price." He bargained.

"Name your price young master!" Thor boomed, folding his arms across his apron.

"Lets say $100 for this bag. It's worth the price, and I'm even giving you a discount." Clint said, his lying tongue as smooth as silk as his smirk grew.

* * *

Agent Coulson stared as Thor all but skipped past his office window, everything on show as agents in the corridor scattered with horrified yells or screams, all of which were unable to drown out Thor's booming voice which was singing the 'You are a Pirate' song.

He would have not understood what was going on if it hadn't been for a hysterical Agent Barton all but running after the Norse god with a video camera in hand.

**Rule number 49: **Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any 'magic beans.'

* * *

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_

_**(P.s: No spammers please.)**_


	45. Rule 50

_**62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed to Do.  
**__**  
I'm gonna try and update a little more over Christmas.  
Note the word 'TRY'.  
It's the safe word so that you guys don't try and crawl into my computer and reach out to strangle me. ^^"**_

* * *

At Jane Foster's lab, Thor, Natasha and Clint were all stood around an open portal which glowed with fiery red's and crackled with lightening every so often from deep within. The circular portal was magnificent to behold, and Natasha couldn't help but stare every time she saw it.

Thor had been aiding Jane in building portals that could visit the other worlds and planets that were inhabited by other beings that before now hadn't even been known to humans, even though they themselves were known to other planets, according to Thor.

So when the first reply came back from a planet in one of the furthest reaches of the galaxy, saying that they were to receive a visit, they assembled to the portal. Well, the three that could make it did.

The portal shimmered suddenly, and they watched as a short and stumpy-looking figure started to emerge from it. As the figure finally stepped through the portal to reveal his bald tanned head and with his body trapped in what looked like blue armour, Thor grinned and spread his arms wide. "A Sontaran!" He cried.

"Asgardian!" The Sontaran replied, his voice deep. "We have done many weapons deals in the past!"

"Aye, that we have!" Thor agreed, clapping the Sontaran heartily on the back.

"But this is a different planet altogether, is it not?" The Sontaran questioned. "The planet Earth...We would be obliged if we could take a speciman back so that we may study them and their behaviour."

"Stark." Natasha suddenly cut in. "You may have Tony Stark."

"For a price." Clint added quickly. "We need weapons. What can you offer us?"

"Laser rifles, for a start, which fire bright beams of red light that could kill a being without any exterior damage. Or...a device capable of snuffing out entire stars, which we originally made in response to the development by the Rutans to create a planet killing weapon that was able to destroy a world by converting it from matter to anti-matter. "

"It's Christmas." Barton muttered gleefully. Suddenly his mobile started to ring, the caller ID flashing up with Steve's name. Grimacing, Clint pressed answer and handed it to Natasha.

Natasha held the phone to her ear confidently. "Steve? What is it?"

A short laugh eminated from the phone. "Natasha, I hope you know that we planted two little microphones on both you and Barton, so we know everything that you've been saying. Because of which, I'm now trying to console Tony due to the fact that he's crying about how you guys want to sell him to another planet. You can't sell him, no matter how annoying he is."

Surprisingly to Natasha, she heard Tony start to scream in the background. "DO IT. SELL ME. YOU CAN GET THOR TO GET ME BACK AFTERWARDS. THINK OF THE NEW TECHNOLOGY."

"Natasha, don't you dare make any deals. You do so, and I'm coming over there." Steve snapped irritably, promptly hanging up.

**Rule number 50: **Natasha and Clint are not allowed to try to sell Tony to another planet, even if they are promised really cool new weapons in exchange.

* * *

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS/JOYEUX NOEL/FROHLICHES WEIHNACHTEN/[Insert whatever you celebrate here]**_

_**^^D  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	46. Rule 51

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do.**

_**SOMEONE (you know who you are ;D) Just sent me a PM asking me to get my arse in gear.**_

_**And they are right.  
I **_**did **_**give you permission to tell me so. XD  
WARNING; Back to school now, and I won't be writing as much. Gomen.  
SO ON WITH LE CHAPTER!**_

* * *

Sat in the audience, Bruce Banner interrupted the science conference once more for what must have been the fiftieth time as a consquence of both him and Tony working together to disprove and correct all the theories presented. "Uhm..excuse me, yeah uhh, no. No, no, no. It is not the smallest thing in existence."

"But sir, it has-"

Tony held up a hand from where he has been laying back in his chair. "Uhh hello? We all thought that the atom was the smallest thing in existence until we cut it open and a huge mess of crap came out." He pointed out. "We didn't even know that was possible because we didn't know that the smaller mess of protons, neutrons, electrons and all that shit actually existed."

Banner nodded in confirmation. "It may be the smallest thing in existence known to us now, but by rights you cannot prove that it is the smallest thing in existence, for the may be something else within it or somewhere else that is even smaller that we have no knowlege of."

Suddenly Tony's phone started to ring. "Excuse me a second." He apologised to the shocked science conference audience. "Rogers, what's up now? Banner and I are kicking the ass of un-science knowing science nerds."

The Captain sighed on the other end of the line. "Again Tony? Honestly, Fury's getting seriously pissed off with the number of angry letters that come through to him complaining about you two every time you go to one of them. Fury's considering making you have a chaperone just to make sure that you don't do anything stupid, and at the moment he's looking to me. And you know I've got absolutely no idea what the hell you talk about. Like..quacks or-

"Quarks." Tony corrected calmly.

"You know what I mean." Steve snapped. "Just get back to headquarters, ok?" Tony blinked as the line was hung up on him.

"Steve getting angry at us again?" Banner questioned.

"Not one that rivals yours big fella." Stark grinned, patting his science bro's arm. "Now where were we? Oh yeah, disproving your theory. SO..."

**Rule number 51: **Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go to any science conferences without a chaperone.

* * *

_**Ehehehe,  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	47. Rule 52

**62 Things the Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do.**  
_**  
I kept this one waiting in the wings, because I knew I wasn't going to be updating for a while. School's going kind of metal, so -_-  
But I'll write when I can. ^^**_

* * *

Tony stepped back in glee and admired his work. "Pretty damn good if I say so myself." He nodded.

Just then, Bruce walked in. "Are you ready to go?" He asked. "You said you'd found us a chaperone."

"Yep." Tony grinned. "Ta-Da!" He shouted proudly as he indicated to the human-ish shaped robot. "His name's Kevin."

Bruce stared. "A robot...is our chaperone?" He questioned, laughing a little as Tony nodded excitedly. "Ok then, but you're putting him in the car."

* * *

Hours later, an angry Captain America stalked into the science conference room and grabbed the two scientists by their arms, towing them out of the conference amidst a mixture of confused and relieved audience.

"Steeeeve!" Tony whined. "What are y-"

Steve sighed irritably. "We need to talk about Kevin."

**Rule number 52: **A robot Tony built does not count as a chaperone.

* * *

_**I will love anyone who got the reference.  
Kai XxxXxxX**_


	48. Rule 53 & 54

**62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do.  
**_**  
Long time no see guys! We're down to the last nine! So please review! =3**_

* * *

Sat in the cctv control room, Tony sifted through the video recordings with a cup of coffee that he had had to sneak out from the cafeteria at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters. Sipping through them, he came to a video of a large dark basement thing with one window.

Watching the video curiously, he saw a hunched figure sitting on the floor just out of reach of the patch of sunlight on the floor. Tony stared as the thing started to move and reach out towards the sunlight. He nearly dropped his coffee over the desk as he saw a slight sparkle in the sunlight where the thing had moved what looked like an arm.

Leaving his coffee on the desk, he ran to the meeting room that Fury was currently stood in, debriefing Bruce and Natasha for a mission that they were to be going on the next day.

"BANNER. GET UP AND GRAB YOUR GLASSES CASE, WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE." Tony shouted, bursting in wearing his black sabbath top proudly.

The meeting paused, in which the three of them turned to look at the genius, billionare, playboy philanthropist. Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. "Stark, what are you on about?" He questioned with a sigh. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of a mee-"

"S.H.I.E.L.D is holding a glittering fairy princess down in the basement." Stark stated, his eyes narrowed at Bruce in the hope that his science partner would understand. Which he did, making him raise an eyebrow.

"...Seriously?" He asked, laughing a little as he ran a hand through his brown hair. When Tony nodded in all seriousness, he snorted. "Where's the proof?"

"CCTV footage." Tony replied with a shrug.

"Stark, why are you in the cctv control room _again?_" Director Fury asked, his one eye narrowed at the man in question as he frowned.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Your code is the easiest thing in the world to break, and I was bored so I decided to see if I could find any blackmail material. But what I want to know is, why do you have Edward Cullen in your basement?"

Natasha raised an eyebrow at him. "You've got to be kidding me." She deadpanned. "He's a fictional character."

"Then why is he in the basement?" Tony asked. "Avoids sunlight, sparkles in it, likes dark-ish places, I mean come on, it fits the bill."

Leaning back in her chair, Natasha resisted the urge to throw something at him. "You are such an idiot." She stated, the corners of her lips quirking up in amusement.

**Rule number 53: **Edward Cullen is not a vampire being held in the basement of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

Tony turned to Bruce, appealing to him. "Imagine what we scientists could do if we got a hold of some of that DNA. It's be like...hell, we could quite possibly give Capsicle an upgrade."

Slowly, Bruce started to nod as he thought of the possibilities. "Well then...Where do we start searching for this Cullen guy?"

"The basement. I already said that...Does _no one_around here listen to me?" Tony asked, receiving no answer. "Come on, we're gonna go searching for him. We've got science to do!"

Laughing Banner followed him as they both walked out of the door excitedly, leaving behind an amused Natasha and an annoyed Nick Fury, the latter taking out a phone and calling a number on it quickly. "Stark and Banner are headed for the basement to search for the captive. Please keep them out of the basement at all costs." He ordered.

**Rule number 54: **Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go searching for him in the name of Science!

* * *

_**Two in one! Mwe hehehehe! Down to eight now!**_

_**Kai XxxXxxX**_


	49. Rule 55

**62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do.  
**_**  
HEY! =D I know, I know, I haven't updated in...a while. But it's ok, I'm back. Kind of.  
Please don't hurt me...o_o  
*Produces chapter to stop angry hoards***_

* * *

In the scientist lab on board the Helicarrier, Tony tapped away at the glass screen in front of him as he swept all of his recently collected data down to the bottom of the screen and stored it safely in a small tab that was right next to the Youtube tab of 'HULK dances to nursery rhymes'. Chuckling quietly to himself, he quickly smothered it and clicked up a new tab and entered a code into the system as Banner looked up to glance at him curiously.

Tony's eyes wandered over the hard at work agents in the Bridge as the CCTV footage was made available to him in seconds, watching as Agent Coulson -whose first name according to Pepper was 'Phillip' or...something like that- walked confidently up and down the rows of computers and peered over the agents shoulders, frowning and shaking his head at times as he tried to piece together every new bit of information he received.

However, the genius' eyes narrowed as he saw a small black figure hunched over in the rafters of the Bridge, staring down at the agent handler intently as though trying to read his thoughts. Tony snorted in amusement and brought up another fresh tab and opened his e-mails, making sure that the recipients included all of the Avengers.

_'Guys, breaking news. I found out Clint's super-power! (Y'know, because we all thought he didn't have one). He's _**SUPER-ANNOYING**_.'_

Sniggering to himself, he clicked send and watched on all of the separate CCTV screens to see their reactions. From across the room, Banner laughed a barely audible laugh and rolled his eyes. Natasha meanwhile looked at her phone and was unable to help the amused grin that spread across her face. Thor took one look at the line of text and chuckled deep in his throat, the chuckle turning into a laugh that echoed and startled some passing agents. Steve, as Tony had expected, merely raised an eyebrow and stuffed the phone back in his pocket.

Stark leant forwards to the screen eagerly as up in the rafters of the Bridge, Clint Barton checked his phone and read the message. He seemed to stare at it for a couple of minutes before jumping down from the Bridge and stalking out like an angry cat, making Tony howl with laughter.

"What an idiot...His super-power is being super-annoying, and now he's just super-_annoyed_." Tony cackled, pretending to wipe a tear of laughter from the corner of his eye.

Moments later, both the scientists jumped in shock as a pure black arrow cut cleanly through the window and landed just in-between Tony's feet, sticking upright like a stick in deep snow. Staring at the window behind him, Tony gulped slightly as he saw the small circular hole in the window that was as clean as a bullet hole. Narrowing his eyes to look through the hole, he just managed to glimpse Clint standing there with his bow held loosely in one hand, his other clearly giving Tony the middle finger before turning on his heel and abruptly leaving.

Somewhat shakily, Tony picked the arrow up and inspected it as he twisted it around in one hand. He raised an eyebrow as he noted the white inscription of '_STARK Enterprises'_ written down the length of the arrow.

"...Seems some people don't need to use e-mails to get their point across." Tony muttered as he held it up for Bruce to see, making Banner snort with laughter at the irony of it from across the lab.

**Rule number 55: **Clint's super-power is not being 'super-annoying'.

* * *

_**Ta-daaa~! Hope you enjoyed!**_  
_**Kai XxxXxxX  
(P.s; please review!) **_


	50. Rule 56

**62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do.  
**_**  
Sorry I have written in AGES. But IB man, IB. =/  
But I am back for the weekend because of procrastination.  
ALSO.**_

**_I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR THAT THERE IS A LIST OF RULES, AND THE RULES WERE NOT MADE BY ME. THEY WERE MADE ON TUMBLR BY CERALKILLERZERO WHO;_**  
**_Originally posted this list on the avengerkink meme as a response to a prompt. The list has found its way to tumblr and etc._**

**_I ONLY OWN THE MINI STORIES. NOT THE LIST. DISCLAIMER. OVER AND OUT._**  
**_Potassium? =)_**

* * *

Coulson sat in his chair as he listened to the communication device in his ear, swiftly noting down anything of importance that the Avengers said or reported so that he could point out possible strategies or help to point out flaws in others.

Suddenly there was a crash heard over the device, sounding like it came from both Captain America and Iron Man if the clash of metal upon metal was anything to go by. Phil's eyes widened as he listened to the conversation that followed.

"Cap, mind getting your Americanly gloved hand off of my crotch?"

"Oh, for god's sake Stark-"

"What? Did I just hear that?" Came Bruce's voice.

"That Steve is exploring his sexuality? Yes."

"TONY!"

"Steve's trying to get laid?" Clint's voice asked with a slight hint of humour.

"Apparently so."

"Isn't that some form of Necrophilia? The guy technically should've died in the ice..."

"CLINT!"

"IT'S GETTING HOT IN THIS SUIT. I WISH TO FINISH THIS MISSION." Thor roared.

"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes-"

"Shut up Clint."

"Natasha, are you getting hot in there, because I would mind you taking off all your cl-"

The sound of a punch connecting with Clint's jaw was clearly audible.

"I hate everyone on this mission and I wish they'd die in a fire."

"I...feel a little bit hurt by that."

"S'okay, it's just because of Brucie-kins' weed stash. He hasn't taken any today."

"Tony, I do NOT have a weed stash."

"Yes you do!"

"No I don't!"

"Nick Fury can go suck on a great big bag of sausages."

"What? That doesn't even have relevance to the argument."

"It does now."

"Since when?"

"Since it looked like Steve and Thor got erections. Although, it might be because of the absurd school play costumes they're wearing, you can't really tell."

"Come here and say that Stark, I dare you. And I don't have an erection!"

"Cap, calm down."

"Don't start trying to give me your crappy therapy Banner!"

"Hey, leave Bruce alone Steve, he's trying to help."

"I don't think he cares Nat."

"I care, Clint."

Over the device there was a multitude of arguing voices until they died away, presumably to catch their breaths before starting to argue again. Which they would have had this not happened.

"Hey...Anyone wanna go for Shawarma?"

Today was a bad day for Phil Coulson.

**Rule number 56: **The following words and phrases are never to be uttered over communication devices during an active mission ever again:  
'Exploring sexuality', 'Necrophilia', 'It's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes', 'I hate everyone on this mission and I wish they'd die in a fire', 'Nick Fury can go suck on a big bag of sausages', references to Bruce's giant stash of weed, mention of anyone' erection, or 'Shawarma'.

* * *

**(I will update when I can, but the workload at the moment is unimaginable. Apologies, it's making me really depressed. =/ Reviews MIGHT cheer me up a little bit though...yes...I'm begging here...please...)  
**_**Kai XxxXxxX  
(P.s; thanks for the reviews!) **_


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